The Twilight Crew Presents Hairspray!
by TwilightTeen212
Summary: When Forks High's annual play is Hairspray, Alice forces everyone to audition. What hilarity will ensue? Mix in the werewolves and just about vampire to ever appear in the series, and let the laughs begin. Co-written with REL246 and LRN415.
1. Scene 1

**Okay, so my friends and I got really bored one day and started thinking about what would happen if the characters of Twilight were to put on the play Hairspray. This is the result. Hope you guys like it!**

**Disclaimer: None of us own either Twilight or Hairspray. We're just twisting them for our own enjoyment.**

Scene 1

_Interior, day: The auditorium of Forks High School. Rows of seats stretch across the room, facing the stage, on which there is a podium with a microphone. The students enter the auditorium, chattering loudly, and sit down. The conversations continue. The principal comes to stand in front of the podium. The chattering slowly ceases._

**Principal: **Good morning students.

**Students: **Good morning Principal Greene.

**Principal: **During today's assembly we will be talking about drugs. As you know…

_The principal begins droning on endlessly about drugs and how they are harmful for the students and how students should say no to drugs. Whispered conversations begin to pop up between the students. Camera pans in on Cullen family, who are in the midst of a hushed conversation about an upcoming shopping trip Alice is planning._

**Alice: **_(whispers) _So I was thinking that this weekend, we could all go into Port Angeles and go shopping. What do you guys think?

**Rosalie:**_ (whispers) _Sure. I'm in.

**Alice: **Yay! Renesmee?

**Renesmee:**_ (whispers) _Can Jacob come?

**Alice: **Yes.

**Rosalie: **_(speaks at same time as Alice) _NO!

**Renesmee: **You know what; Jacob and I were planning to spend the day at First Beach. Some other time.

_Edward shakes his head and tries to control his temper. Bella places a reassuring hand on his arm and whispers something in his ear. Edward calms down after shooting a murderous glare at Jacob, who is sitting several rows away with the other wolves._

**Alice:** Okey-dokey. _(Turns to look at Bella). _Bella, are you coming? Wait. _(Alice closes eyes for a second, then opens them, happy)._ That's a yes.

**Bella: **But I didn't even agree!

**Alice:** Oh, but you will.

**Bella: **_(mutters under breath)_ Stupid future seeing pixie vampire.

**Alice: **Yeah, but that's why you love me. And yes, I saw what you were going to say.

**Bella:** I didn't even ask you anything!

**Alice:** But you were going to. I saw it.

_Bella rolls her eyes and turns her attention back to Edward. Camera pans over to wolves and their imprints (minus Renesmee). They are in the middle of planning out their circuits for the coming week._

**Sam: **_(whispers) _So, Jared, Paul, and I will take the outer perimeter this week. Leah, you and Seth will be running spokes between the two perimeters.

**Leah: **_(whispers)_ Joy.

**Sam: **Jacob, you, Quil, and Embry will…

**Jacob: **_(whispers)_ Give it a rest, Sam! We haven't had any bloodsuckers on our land in weeks. Well, except for the ones we're not allowed to hunt.

**Sam:** It's a precaution, Jacob. We wouldn't want someone to get hurt.

**Jacob:** For what?

**Sam: **_(hands start shaking) _Jacob…

**Principal:** Attention, students, I have one last announcement.

_Students quiet down. The camera pans back over to the Cullens._

**Emmett:** _(whispers) _Now what? Hurry up so I can take Rose to the janitor's closet. _Rosalie smacks Emmett on the head. _Ow! Kidding, Rose.

_Alice laughs silently. Her eyes go unfocused for a second before she looks at Rosalie sympathetically._

**Alice:** He wasn't kidding, Rosalie.

_Rosalie proceeds to smack Emmett a second time. Everyone laughs. Suddenly, Alice's eyes go unfocused again and she becomes still. The laughter ceases as everyone waits for Alice's vision to cease and for her to share the news._

**Edward: **_(Reads Alice's mind)_ Oh, no.

_Alice's vision ends and her eyes refocus. She suddenly seems very happy and is gently bouncing on the edge of her seat._

**Jasper: **What's wrong Alice? What did you see?

**Alice:** Oh, nothing. You'll see.

**Principal: **As you know, students, every year Forks High School puts on its annual play. This year, we will be performing a fun Broadway musical that I'm sure everyone knows: _Hairspray_.

_Excited whispers irrupt throughout the room. Edward's mind reading powers pick up the responses of several of the other students. His expression turns from amusement to disgust and anger._

**Tyler: **Oh man, this is awesome! When Rosalie sees my amazing acting skills, she'll dump Emmett in a second!

**Conner: **Hm… I bet I could impress Renesmee with my knowledge of the history of _Hairspray_. Better get on Wikipedia and find some facts, stat!

**Eric:** I wonder if Alice would be impressed by my rendition of "Ladies' Choice." Probably. I bet Jasper can't sing half as good as I do.

**Mike:** Yes! This is my chance to win Bella away from Edward. All I have to do is make sure that she's the Tracy to my Link. Then we'll have to kiss and she'll realize that I'm meant for her, not Cullen.

**Lauren:** This is my big chance. Of course I'm a shoo-in to be Tracy. No one else here can act. Then some big-shot Hollywood agent will see me and sign me on the spot. I'm going to be a star!

**Jessica:** Edward, oh, Edward. Now you will finally see just how perfect I am for you. You and I will be the best Link Larkin and Tracy Turnblad the acting world has ever seen. Bella will be nothing to you once we share a kiss on stage. Oh, Edward! I love you!

**Bella: **I don't want to know what they're thinking, do I?

**Edward:** No love. You might just try to kill Jessica.

**Alice: **Because she needs a reason to kill her.

**Principal: **Auditions will be next week after school. Since all of you have either taken or are taking an acting class, the auditions will be singing only. Please come prepared with either a solo part or a duet for your audition. You are dismissed.

SCENE


	2. Scene 2

**Here it is people.... Scene 2! Lights, camera, action!**

Scene 2

_Interior, day: the Cullens' living room. All of the family (minus Carlisle and Esme) is sitting around on the sofas and love seats. Alice stands in the center of the room, rattling off the contents of her latest vision._

**Alice:** Listen up, people. I just had a vision of us all auditioning for Hairspray. So, in order to give us a head start and to ensure that we get the parts, I'm going to tell everyone who they're auditioning for and what song to sing.

**Bella:** Alice, there is no way in hell I'm auditioning. I can't sing and I can't act.

**Alice:** You're a vampire, Bells. You can do anything. Plus, what if Edward is Link and you're Tracy?

_Bella pauses, contemplating._

**Edward:** Who said I was going to audition?

**Alice:** You all are auditioning and that's final. Don't argue.

_Mumbled agreements. Alice smiles._

**Alice:** Good. Now, then. Bella, you and Edward are auditioning for Link and Tracy, ok? Bella, for your audition, you are going to sing "I Can Hear the Bells" and Edward, you're going to sing "Ladies' Choice."

**Edward:** Absolutely not, Alice. Can't I sing something else?

**Bella: **I think it's fitting. Please sing it Edward? _Bella pouts._

**Edward:** For you, love, I'll sing it.

**Alice:** Thank you, Bella. Moving on. Renesmee, you will be auditioning for Penny.

**Renesmee:** And Jacob will be Seaweed, right?

**Jacob:** _(walks into the room) _Yes, Renesmee. _Pauses _Wait, what did I just agree to?

**Rosalie: **_(smirks)_ You agreed to audition for Seaweed and Penny with Renesmee, mutt.

**Jacob:** Oh, okay. _He sits down next to Renesmee._ What song should we sing?

**Alice:** You're singing Penny and Seaweed's part of "Without Love." Now, then, Rosalie, you will be auditioning for Velma.

**Rosalie: **The psycho slutty mom?

**Alice: **Yeah.

**Jacob:** _(mutters under breath) _How fitting.

**Rosalie:** I heard that dog.

**Alice: **Focus, Rosalie! _Rosalie mouths 'you're dead' to Jacob, then turns back to Alice._ So, Rose, for your audition, you're going to sing "(The Legend of) Miss Baltimore Crabs" okay?

**Rosalie: **Okay.

**Emmett:** Wait, is that the song where she talks about screwing the judges? _They nod._ Okay, I'm sorry, but there is no way in hell my wife is singing about screwing people who aren't me. Now if she wanted to talk about our adventures, well, I wouldn't object. This one time we…

**All:** Emmett! TMI!

**Emmett:** Sorry.

**Alice:** Back to the discussion at hand. Emmett and Jasper. You two will be auditioning for Wilbur and Edna, Tracy's parents.

**Jacob:** Hey bloodsucker. You do realize that you have two guys auditioning for the parts of a guy and a girl, right?

**Alice:** Yeah, I know. Emmett's going to be in drag.

**Edward:** Drag?

**Bella:** Emmett's going to be dressed up as a girl, Edward.

**Emmett:** WHAT?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

**Rosalie:** There is no way in hell my husband is pretending to be a girl. Or married to Jasper!

_Jasper has yet to respond. He sits, frozen, in shock._

**Alice:** You guys may as well just accept this. It's going to happen. Emmett and Jasper better start working on their rendition of "You're Timeless to Me."

**Emmett:** Fine.

**Jasper:** _(weakly)_ Fine. Who are you auditioning for, Alice?

**Alice:** I'm auditioning for Amber!

**Jasper:** The really bitchy girl who's going out with Link at the beginning?

**Alice:** Uh-huh.

**Bella:** Cool! Wait a second… That means that you and Edward have to…. Alice! You are not making out with my husband!

**Jasper: **Wait, Amber and Link have to kiss? Edward, you are not kissing my wife!

**Edward:** Calm down, Jazz. We'll fake it, okay?

**Alice: **No we will not! It has to be perfect!

_Edward gets up and tries to hit Alice over the head. Alice dodges at the last second. Edward begins chasing after her. Jasper starts chasing after Edward in order to save Alice. Bella begins chasing Jasper to save Edward. Jasper manages to catch Edward and tackles him to the ground with a loud __**Boom.**__ Bella jumps on top of Jasper and tries to pry him off of Edward. Alice launches herself at Bella and tries to get her off of Jasper._

**Rosalie:** Geez, guys, overreacting much?

**Emmett: **Excellent! Five bucks on Bella!

**Jacob: **No way. The pixie's gonna win for sure.

**Renesmee:** We should stop them before someone gets hurt.

_Renesmee gets up and walks over to where Bella, Edward, Alice, and Jasper are trying to kill each other. She tries to pry them apart, but can't. Jacob gets up and walks over to help her._

**Renesmee:** This is hopeless. I'm calling Carlisle and Esme.

_Renesmee walks out of the room, phone in hand, dialing Carlisle's number. Jacob follows._

**Emmett: **Now that everyone's distracted… Wanna go to our room, Rose?

_Rosalie hits Emmett on the side of the head._

**Rosalie:** Emmett, have you forgotten that our family's kinda fighting to the death here? Maybe we should stay put.

_Carlisle and Esme walk into the room, Jacob and Renesmee behind them. They see the fight._

**Carlisle: **What the hell is going on here? Nessie called us and said that you guys are trying to kill each other.

_Esme has her hands over her eyes, afraid to watch. Bella, Alice, Jasper, and Edward stop fighting. Emmett and Rosalie head to their room without anyone noticing._

**Alice:** It's all Edward's fault! He tried to hit me and then started chasing me!

**Edward:** I only hit you because you are insisting that we kiss, on stage, in front of an auditorium full of people!

**Esme:** What? I'm confused.

**Bella:** The drama department is putting on Hairspray and Alice wants us all to audition.

**Carlisle:** Well, that seems reasonable. But why did you get into a fight?

**Jasper:** Well, Alice wants Bella and Edward to be Link and Tracy, and Alice is going to be Amber, Link's girlfriend in the beginning of the play.

**Esme:** Oh, I get it. They have to kiss, don't they? And you and Bella aren't too happy with this, are you?

**Bella and Jasper: **Yes, they do, and no, we are not.

**Carlisle: **Very well. Here's what we're going to do. You may still audition for the play.

**Alice: **_(under her breath)_ Yes!

**Carlisle:** But Alice and Edward are faking any kissing between their characters, understood?

**All (excluding Alice): **Yes, Carlisle.

**Alice: **Fine. _Alice looks around the room._ Hey, where're Rosalie and Emmett? It's not like Emmett to pass up an opportunity to make things awkward.

_A loud __**Boom**__ sounds from off-screen. All of the characters look around uncomfortably._

**Edward:** Oh, god, X-rated thoughts.

**Jasper: **Too much lust. Must escape.

_Jasper grabs Alice and they run outside, into the woods. Bella and Edward exchange a look. They pick up Renesmee and run for their cottage. Jacob disappears outside. Carlisle and Esme remain in the living room alone. Another loud __**Boom **__and moaning fills the air. Carlisle and Esme look at each other, get up, and run out of the house._

SCENE

**And.... cut! Next scene's the auditions, people. Get psyched!**

**xoxoxoxoxo, TwilightTeen212, REL246, and LRN415**


	3. Scene 3

**Alright, here it is... Scene 3, the auditions! We made it extra long just for you guys, so you better appreciate it. This is 27 pages ok? 27 pages! Do we love you, or what?**

Scene 3

_Interior, day: The auditorium at Forks High School. Various students are inside waiting for auditions to begin, chattering. Among them are the Quileute werewolves. The Cullens walk in. The auditorium falls silent. Emmett begins to laugh loudly._

**Emmett:** What, afraid we're going to suck your blood?

_No one answers. The Quileutes nod yes, but no one sees. Emmett shoots them a death glare. The drama teacher, Mr. Ecouter, walks in._

**Mr. Ecouter:** Alright everyone, quiet down, please! _Everyone stares at him like he's an idiot since the room is already quiet._ Let's begin the auditions. First up… Tyler Crowley. What song are you singing, Tyler?

**Tyler:** Um… I'm singing… _(Freezes)_ wait, we have to sing?

**Mr. Ecouter: **Yes, Tyler. This is a musical, you know.

**Tyler: **Well, um… okay. I'll sing. As long as it gets me Rosalie.

**Mr. Ecouter: **Very well. Here are the lyrics to "Run and Tell That." You'll sing this.

_Tyler takes the lyrics from Mr. Ecouter and goes on stage to stand in front of the microphone. The music begins and he starts singing in a flat, off-key voice._

**Tyler**

"Hey!  
I can't see  
Why people look at me  
And only see the color of my face  
And then there's those  
That try to help, god knows  
But always have to put me in my place"

**Mr. Ecouter:** _(yells)_ Thank you, Tyler. That's enough. Next up… Eric Yorkie.

**Eric:** Thank you, Mr. Ecouter. I'm auditioning for Link Larkin and I'll be singing "Ladies' Choice."

**Mr. Ecouter: **Very well. Begin.

_The music starts and Eric begins singing. His voice is better than Tyler's, but only just._

**Eric**

"Hey little girl with the cash to burn  
Well I'm selling something you won't return"

**Mr. Ecouter:** _(mutters)_ Can't anyone in this school sing? _(Speaks up) _Thank you. Next up… Lauren Mallory.

**Lauren: **I'll be auditioning for Tracy and I'll be singing "You Can't Stop the Beat."

_Mr. Ecouter nods. The music begins and Lauren starts to sing. It is mediocre, but so far, she is the best._

**Lauren**

"You cant stop an avalanche  
As it races down the hill  
You can try to stop the seasons, girl  
But ya know you never will  
And you can try to stop my dancin' feet  
But I just cannot stand still  
Cause the world keeps spinnin'  
Round and round  
And my heart's keeping time  
To the speed of sound  
I was lost til I heard the drums  
Then I found my way  
Cause you can't stop the beat  
Ever since this old world began  
A woman found out if she shook it  
She could shake up a man  
And so I'm gonna shake and shimmy it  
The best that I can today  
'Cause you cant stop  
The motion of the ocean  
Or the sun in the sky  
You can wonder if you wanna  
But I never ask why  
And if you try to hold me down  
I'm gonna spit in your eye and say  
That you cant stop the beat!"

**Mr. Ecouter: **_(mutters)_ Finally, somebody who can sing. _(speaks up) _Thank you, Lauren. Next… Jessica Stanley.

**Jessica: **Thank you, Mr. Ecouter. I'm also auditioning for Tracy. I'll be singing "Good Morning Baltimore."

_The music starts and Jessica starts screeching, her voice sounding like a dying elephant. Everyone covers their ears as she sings._

**Jessica**

"Good morning Balti-"

**Mr. Ecouter: **_(yells, covering his ears) _Stop! Next! Mike Newton for Link Larkin.

**Mike: **Thank you, Mr. Ecouter. I'll be singing "It Takes Two."

_The music starts. Mike looks at Bella, silently stating that he's singing for her. Edward moves to stand behind Bella and wraps his arms around her. Mike glowers and begins to sing. His voice is like Tyler's: flat and off-key._

**Mike**

"They say it's a man's world  
Well, that cannot be denied  
But what good's a man's world  
Without a woman by your side"

**Mr. Ecouter: **_(mutters)_ Great, unless this Cullen guy can sing, we don't have a Link. _(Speaks up)_ Thank you, Mike. Next… Claire!

**Mike: **Fine, I didn't want to kiss Edward's stupid girlfriend anyway! Ha! He and his girlfriend are such dummies to think they even have a chance to get into this play. If I didn't get the part, he won't either.

_Edward holds tightly to Bella to keep from attacking Mike. Bella looks at Edward questioningly, but then sees Mike's enraged face and understands. Meanwhile, Sam has come over to Jacob._

**Sam: **Jake, I need a favor. Claire's feeling a little nervous about auditioning. Would you mind singing "Run and Tell That" with her?

**Jacob:** Yeah, I know the lyrics, why not._ (To Renesmee) _I'll be right back, Nessie.

**Mr. Ecouter: **Claire, what are you singing?

**Jacob: **She's singing "Run and Tell That" with me. This isn't my audition though. I'm just helping her out.

_Mr. Ecouter nods. Claire and Jacob take to the stage and the music starts. Connor walks over to Renesmee._

**Connor: **Hey Renesmee. Are you auditioning?

**Renesmee: **Yeah.

**Connor:** Oh, really? For who?

**Renesmee: **Penny.

**Connor: **Wow, that's pretty cool. So I'm guessing you've studied the history of the play, right?

**Renesmee:** No.

**Connor:** Oh, really? Well, do you want me to tell you about it?

**Renesmee:** No, I want you to shut up and leave me alone so I can listen to my boyfriend sing.

**Connor:** Your boyfriend?

_Renesmee gestures to Jacob. Connor looks up and gulps nervously, then walks away from Renesmee. Jacob's angry glare relaxes and he starts singing._

**Jacob**

"Hey!  
I can't see  
Why people look at me  
And only see the color of my face  
And then there's those  
That try to help, god knows  
But always have to put me in my place  
but I won't ask you to be color blind  
'Cause if you pick the fruit  
Then girl, you're sure to find...  
The blacker the berry  
The sweeter the juice  
I could say it ain't so  
But darlin', what's the use?  
The darker the chocolate  
The richer the taste  
And that's where it's at...  
... now baby run and tell that!!"

**Quileutes**  
"Run and tell that!"

**Jacob**  
"Run and tell that!"

**Quileutes**  
"Run and tell that!"

**Jacob**  
"I can't see  
Why people disagree  
Each time I tell them what I know is true  
no no!  
And if you come  
And see the world I'm from  
I bet your heart is gonna feel it too  
Yeah. I could lie  
But baby. Let's be bold  
Vanilla can be nice  
But if the truth be told...  
The blacker the berry  
The sweeter the juice  
I could say it ain't so  
But darlin', what's the use  
The darker the chocolate  
The richer the taste  
That's where it's at  
oh baby baby run and tell that!!  
Run and tell that!  
Come here girl, This is my sister Li'l Inez!"

**Claire**  
"Oh I know Tracy Turnblad! Good For you girl you got on the show!"

**Bella**  
"Well you better be next"

**Claire**  
"You got that right."

**Jacob**  
"Oh you know she is you better show em' girl!"

_Claire steps up to the microphone and begins to sing. Her voice is like soft wind chimes, but very powerful._

**Claire**  
"I'm tired of coverin' up all my pride

So give me five on the black-hand side  
I've got a new way of movin'  
And I got my own voice  
So how can I help  
But to shout and rejoice  
The people 'round here  
Can barely pay their rent  
They're "try'n to make dollar  
Out 'a fifteen cent"  
But we got a spirit  
Money just cant buy  
It's deep as a river  
And soars to the sky!"

**Mr. Ecouter:** Thank you Claire! That was very good. Next up are Kim, Leah, and Emily for the Dynamites. I hope they're good; they're the only ones auditioning for the parts.

_All three walk up to the microphones. Leah takes the center mike, with Kim and Emily on either side of her._

**Leah: **Thank you Mr. Ecouter. We'll be singing the Dynamites' part of "New Girl in Town."

_The music begins and Leah, Kim, and Emily start to sing in perfect harmony._

**All:**

"The New Girl In Town"

**Leah:**

"Has my guy on a string"

**All:**

"The New Girl In Town"

**Kim and Emily:**

"Hey look she's wearing his ring."

**All:**

"I can't stop crying

and so in my own tears I'm gonna drown

Woah, Woah, Woah"

**Leah:**

"cause he wants to rendezvous"

**All:**

"with the new girl"

**Kim:**

"We kinda sad and blue"

**All:**

"Yes it's true girl

We'd like to say...

To the new girl in town

The new girl in town

Wo-oo,wo-oo,wo-oo,wo-oo

From out of the blue girl

This town's in a stew girl

What a hullabaloo girl

She ain't just passing through girl

She's sticking like glue girl

To the man I though I knew girl

Wo-oo,wo-oo,wo-oo,wo-oo

Hey look out for that moving van

Look out, look out. Look out, look out

She was...the new girl in town"

**Mr. Ecouter:** _(claps enthusiastically) _You girls just got the part for the Dynamites!! Your voices were amazing, and perfectly harmonized. Congratulations!! Next up is--

**Leah, Kim and Emily:** Thank you, Mr. Ecouter!!

**Mr. Ecouter: **Don't interrupt, girls, it's very rude. Next up is Lizzie!

**Lizzie: **Thanks Mr. E! I'll be auditioning for Motormouth Mabel, as I know my cars pretty well _(weak laughter from audience to be polite, Jacob smiles in agreement, and Nessie shoots him a death glare)_ and I will be singing "Big Blonde and Beautiful."

_Lizzie starts to sing, and her voice sounds like a professional singer._

**Lizzie**

"Bring on that pecan pie!  
Pour some sugar  
On it sugar  
Don't be shy.  
Scoop me up  
A mess of that  
Chocolate swirl.  
Don't be stingy  
I'm a growing girl  
I offer  
Big love  
With no apology.  
How can I deny the world  
The most of me?  
I am not afraid to throw my weight around  
Pound by pound by pound  
Because I'm  
Big, blond & beautiful  
Face the fact  
It's simply irrefutable!  
No one wants a meal  
That only offers the least  
When girl, we're up  
The whole damn feast  
Slice me off a piece of that  
hog head cheese!  
Take a look inside  
My book of recipes  
Now don't you sniff around  
For something fluffy and light.  
We need a man who  
Bring a man sized appetite!  
I use a  
Pinch of sugar  
And a dash of spice!  
I'll let you lick the spoon  
Because it tastes so nice!  
We'll keep in the oven  
Till it's good and hot  
Keep on stirring  
Till you hit the spot!  
Because I'm  
Big, blond, & beautiful  
There is nothing 'bout us  
that's unsuitable  
Why sit in the bleachers  
Timid and afraid  
When Edna  
You look like the whole parade  
They say that white has might  
And thin is in  
Well, that's just bull  
'Cause ladies big is back  
And as for black  
It's beautiful!  
All shapes and sizes  
Follow me!  
Who wants a twig  
When you can climb a whole tree?  
Yeah, Yeah  
Yeah, Yeah, Yeah, Yeah  
Groovy baby Groovy!"

**Mr. Ecouter: **Thank you Lizzie- you've gotten the part of Motormouth Mabel!! (_Mutters_) Looks like my bad luck is ending, if everyone else is this good, than I've got my play! (_Speaking_) Next up, Tanya!

**Tanya: **Thank you Mr. Ecouter. I'll be auditioning for Prudy, with Alice, Rosalie, Bella, Nessie, and Emmett. We'll all be singing "Mama, I'm a Big Girl Now."

_The music starts and the group begins to sing. Everyone is blown away by the power and perfection in all six voices._

**Tanya**  
"Don't contradict me!"

**Rosalie**  
"Don't disobey me!"

**Emmett**  
"Don't even think about going to  
that audition."

**Bella, Nessie, and Alice**  
"Please!"

**Tanya, Rosalie, and Emmett**  
"No!"

**Bella, Nessie, and Alice**  
"Mother!!!!"

**Tanya, Rosalie, and Emmett**  
"Stop!"

**Renesmee:**  
"Stop telling me what to do"

**Tanya, Rosalie, and Emmett**  
"Don't!"

**Alice**  
"Don't treat me like a child of two"

**Tanya, Rosalie, and Emmett**  
"No!"

**Bella**  
"I know that you want what's best"

**Tanya, Rosalie, and Emmett**  
"Please!"

**Bella**  
"But mother, please,"

**Bella, Nessie, and Alice**  
"Give it a rest!!!"

**All**  
"Stop! Don't! No! Please!  
Stop! Don't! No! Please!  
Stop! Don't! No! Please!  
Mama. I'm a big girl now!"

**Bella**  
"Once upon a time when I was just a kid  
You never let me do just what the older kids did  
But lose that laundry list of what you won't allow"

**Bella, Nessie, and Alice**  
"'Cause mama, I'm a big girl now"

**Alice**  
"Once upon a time I used to play with childhood toys  
But now I'd rather play around with teenage boys  
So, if I get a hickey, please don't have a cow"

**Bella, Nessie, and Alice**  
'Cause mama, I'm a big girl now

**Renesmee**  
"Ma, I gotta tell you that without a doubt  
I get my best dancing lessons from you  
You're the one who taught me how to "twist and shout"  
Because you shout non-stop  
And you're so twisted too!  
Wo -oh -oh -oh –oh"

**Bella**  
"Once I used to fidget  
'Cause I just sat home"

**Alice**  
"But now I'm just like Gidget  
And I gotta get to Rome!"

**Renesmee**  
"So say, arrivederci!"

**Bella**  
"Toodle-loo!"

**Alice**  
"And ciao!"

**Bella, Nessie, and Alice**  
"'Cause mama, I'm a big girl now"

**All**  
"Stop! Don't! No! Please!  
Stop! Don't! No! Please!  
Stop! Don't! No! Please!"

**Bella, Nessie, and Alice**  
"Mama, I'm a big girl now  
(hey mama, say mama)"

**Bella**  
"Once upon a time I was a shy young thing  
Could barely walk and talk so much as dance and sing  
But let me hit that stage, I wanna take my bow"

**Bella, Nessie, and Alice**  
"'Cause mama, I'm a big girl now"

**Alice**  
"Wo - oh - oh - oh – oh  
Once upon a time I used to dress up 'ken'  
But now that I'm a woman, I like bigger men  
And I don't need a Barbie doll to show me how"

**Bella, Nessie, and Alice**  
"'Cause mama, I'm a big girl now  
Ma, you always taught me  
What was right from wrong  
And now I just wanna give it a try  
Mama, I've been in the nest for far too long  
So please give a push and mama watch me fly"

**Alice**  
"Watch me fly"

**Bella, Nessie, and Alice**  
"Hey, mama, say mama"

**Renesmee**  
"Someday I will meet a man  
You won't condemn"

**Alice**  
"And we will have some kids  
And you can torture them"

**Bella**  
"But let me be a star  
Before I take that vow"

**Bella, Nessie, and Alice**  
"'Cause mama, I'm a big girl now"

**Renesmee**  
"Oh - Oh – Oh"

**Bella, Nessie, and Alice**  
"Mama, I'm a big girl now"

**Alice**  
"Hey - Hey – Hey"

**Bella, Nessie, and Alice**  
"Mama, I'm a big girl"

**Alice**  
"Ooh, such a big, big girl!"

**Bella, Nessie, and Alice**  
"I'm a big girl now"

**All**  
"Stop! Don't! No! Please!  
Stop! Don't! No! Please!  
Stop! Don't! No! please!"

**Bella, Nessie, and Alice**  
"Mama, I'm a big girl now!!!"

**Mr. Ecouter:** Very impressive, all of you! You make a great team. Next we have… Felix for Corny Collins.

**Felix:** Thanks Mr. Ecouter. I'll be singing "Nicest Kids in Town" with all of these guys. _(Felix gestures behind him to Alec, Jane, Victoria, James, Laurent, Irina, Kate, Garrett, Carmen, Eleazar, Heidi, and Demetri.)_ But we need two more people to help us out. Alice, Edward, you guys mind?

_Alice and Edward join the group of vampires as the music begins, Bella's eyes narrow as Jane smirks at her._

**Felix**  
"Hey there, Teenage Baltimore!  
Don't change that channel!  
'Cause it's time for the Corny  
Collins Show! Brought to you by  
Ultra Clutch Hairspray!  
Ev'ry afternoon  
When the clock strikes four  
(bop-bee-ba, ba-ba-ba-ba, bee-ba)  
A crazy bunch of kids  
Crash through that door yeah  
(bop-bee-ba, ba-ba-ba-ba, bee-ba)  
Well they throw off their coats  
And leave the squares behind  
And then they shake it, shake it, shake it  
Like they're losing their mind  
You'll never see them frown  
'Cause they're the nicest kids in town  
So every afternoon  
You turn your T.V. on  
(na, na, na, na, na, na-na-na-na)  
And we know you turn the sound up  
When your parents are gone, yeah  
(na, na, na, na, na, na-na-na-na)  
And then you twist and shout  
For your favorite star  
And when you've practiced every step  
That's in your repertoire  
You better come on down  
And meet the nicest kids in town  
Nice white kids  
Who like to lead the way  
And once a month  
We have our "negro day!"  
And I'm the man who keeps it spinnin' round  
Mr. Corny Collins  
With the latest, greatest Baltimore sound!!  
So every afternoon  
Drop everything woo!  
(bop-bee-ba, ba-ba-ba-ba, bee-ba)  
Who needs to read and write  
When you can dance and sing?  
(bop-bee-ba, ba-ba-ba-ba, bee-ba)  
Forget about your algebra  
And calculus  
You can always do your homework  
On the morning bus  
Can't tell a verb from a noun  
They're the nicest kids in town  
Roll Call!!"

**Alice**  
"I'm Amber!"

**Other vampires**  
"Brad!  
Tammy!  
Fender!  
Brenda!  
Sketch!  
Shelley!  
I.Q!  
Lou Ann!  
Joey!  
Mikey, Vicki, Becky, Bix, Jessie, Darla, Paulie!  
Noreen!  
Doreen!"

**Edward**  
"And I'm...LINK!"

**Felix**  
"So, if every night you're shaking  
As you lie in bed  
(pony-pony, ooh, pony-pony)  
Shake it baby!  
And the bass and drums  
Are pounding in your head  
(mony-mony, ooh, mony-mony)  
Who cares about sleep  
When you can snooze in  
School?  
They'll never get to college  
But they sure look cool  
Don't need a cap and a gown  
When you're the nicest  
Kids in town  
Nicest kids in...  
Kids in town!  
Woo!"

**Mr. Ecouter:** Well done, guys. Great group work. Next up… Jacob Black and Renesmee Cullen as Seaweed and Penny.

**Renesmee:** Thank you, Mr. Ecouter. We'll be singing Seaweed and Penny's part of "Without Love."

_The music starts and Renesmee and Jacob start to sing. Everyone is in awe of the perfect harmony of Jacob's deep voice and Renesmee's high one._

**Jacob**  
"Living in the ghetto  
Black is everywhere ya go  
Who'd 've thought I'd love a girl  
Whose skin as white as winter's snow"

**Renesmee**  
"In my ivory tower  
Life was just a hostess snack  
But now I've tasted chocolate  
And I'm never going back"

**Renesmee and Jacob**  
"'Cause without love"

**Jacob**  
"Life is like a beat that you can't follow"

**Renesmee and Jacob**  
"Without love"

**Renesmee**  
"Life is doris day at the Apollo"

**Renesmee and Jacob**  
"Darling, I'll be yours forever  
'Cause I never wanna be  
Without love  
So darlin never set me free  
Oh, I'm yours forever  
Never set me free  
No, no, no!"

**Mr. Ecouter: **Amazing! You two sound amazing singing together! So passionate! Next… Alice Swan for Amber singing "New Girl in Town."

**Alice: **Thank you Mr. Ecouter. Kate, Irina, I'm going to need your help.

_Alice, Irina, and Kate walk up to the microphones. Alice stands center, Kate and Irina on either side. They start to sing and once again everyone is stunned by the power of their voices._

**Alice, Irina, and Kate**  
"Hey Look out for that moving van  
driving down our streets  
You better lock up your man  
before he meets  
The New Girl In Town"

**Alice**  
"Who Just came on the scene"

**Alice, Irina, and Kate**  
"The New Girl in Town"

**Alice**  
"Can't be more than sixteen"

**Alice, Irina, and Kate**  
"and she's got a way of makin  
a boy act like a clown  
Woah, Woah, Woah, Woah  
We Don't know what to do  
'Bout the New Girl In Town.  
The New Girl In Town"

**Irina**  
"Seems to Dance on air."

**Alice, Irina, and Kate**  
"The New Girl In Town"

**Kate**  
"She's got the coolest Hair."

**Alice, Irina, and Kate**  
"You better tell the Homecoming queen  
to hold onto her crown  
Woah, Woah, Woah, Woah  
or she's gonna lose it to The new girl  
In town."

**Kate**  
"She's Hip"

**Irina**

"So Cool"

**Alice**  
"I'm gonna get her after school."

**Alice, Irina, and Kate**  
"and yet we'd like to be like her  
cause she's the kitten  
that the cats prefer."

**Mr. Ecouter: **Very nicely done, ladies. Next up…. Rosalie Hale.

**Rosalie: **_(mutters) _Finally. _(Speaks) _Thank you, Mr. Ecouter. I'll be auditioning for Velma von Tussle and I'll be singing, "(The Legend of) Miss Baltimore Crabs." I'm going to need Alice, Edward, Bella, Renesmee, and Claire to help me.

**Mr. Ecouter: **Go ahead, Rosalie. That's a hard song. I doubt she'll be able to do it right. It'll be interesting to see, though.

**Rosalie**  
Front step, cha-cha-cha, back step cha-cha-cha, side step, front step, back, and turn.  
**Bella**  
Oh my god, Penny, there's Link, Link! I can't believe I'm really here auditioning!  
**Renesmee**  
I can't believe I'm really here watching you audition!  
**Rosalie**  
Front step, cha-cha-cha, back step cha-cha-cha, side step, front step, back, and, oh, Amber, look at this motley crew! oh  
this town has sure gone downhill since I was crowned miss...  
**Alice**  
Oh, mother not more ancient history!  
**Rosalie**  
Oh, my God how times have changed, this girls must be blind, or completely deranged!  
But, times seem to halt since I was Miss Baltimore Crabs.  
Amber, that move is far too dirty!  
**Alice**  
Mother, wake up from that dream of yours, this isn't 1930!  
**Rosalie**  
You can laugh, but life's a test!  
Don't do this, don't do that!  
Remember, Mother knows best!  
And the crowns in the vault from  
when I won Miss Baltimore Crabs  
**Alice**  
these steps are perfect ammunition.  
**Rosalie**  
Let me show you how you Mommy dear  
took out the competition.  
Girls, go get them, boys lets rumba!  
1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7,  
Those poor runner ups  
might still hold some grudges  
They padded their cups  
But I screwed the judges! those broads thought they'd win if a plate they would spin in their dance... hahaha... not a chance  
boys, put me down!  
Oh, good morning ladies, lets see what you got!  
**Alice and other council girls**  
Twist, twist, twist, twist, mashed potato, mambo!  
**Rosalie**  
ready, begin  
On my show you'll never find a thrusting hip or bump and grind!  
**Alice**  
What's that, a dance for flees and tics?  
**Rosalie**  
Oh, you should have seen my bag of tricks!  
I hit the stage  
Batons ablaze  
While belting Aida  
and preparing SOUFLEES!  
But that triple somersault  
is how I clinched Miss Baltimore Crabs!

_The musical interlude begins._

**Mr. Ecouter:** Amazing. Rosalie is so in character right now. She's phenomenal. And kind of hot too…

_Edward quickly glares at Mr. Ecouter in disgust. He moves at vampire speed and tells Rosalie what he just heard in Mr. Ecouter's thoughts. Rosalie shudders and keeps singing._

**Rosalie**  
Proceed.  
**Kate**  
Are you scared we're on live?  
**Bella**  
No, I'm sure I can cope.  
**Alice**  
Well, this show isn't broadcast in  
**Council girls**  
Cinema scope!  
**Rosalie**  
I never drink one chocolate malt  
no desserts for Miss Baltimore Crabs!  
**Alice**  
This one will never get a date in those hand-me-down clothes!  
**Rosalie**  
Ha kid, she'll never get a date  
till daddy buys her a new nose!  
I would say  
Oi guevalt!  
if I wasn't miss Baltimore crabs  
**Alice**  
Do you dance like you dress?  
**Edward**  
Amber, there's no need to be cruel  
**Rosalie**  
would you swim in an integrated pool?  
**Bella**  
I sure would! I'm all for integration! it's the new frontier!  
**Rosalie**  
Not in Baltimore, it isn't!  
and may I be frank  
first impressions can be tough  
and when I saw you I knew  
if your size weren't enough  
your last answer just blew it!  
and so my dear  
so short and stout  
you'll never be in  
so were kicking you out!  
with your form and your fate  
oh, it isn't your fault!  
just down with a case of  
Miss Baltimore crabs  
ergh you may go  
**Bella**  
Thank you  
**Renesmee**  
I think they secretly liked you!  
**Claire**  
May I please audition?  
**Rosalie**  
Of course not  
but u can bow and exalt  
for I am miss Baltimore crabs!  
**Council Girls**  
crabs, crabs, crabs

**Mr. Ecouter:** Superb job, Rosalie. That's a very hard song to master. That must have taken you lots of practice.

**Rosalie: **No, not really.

**Mr. Ecouter: **Well, it was fabulous. Next up we have… Emmett Cullen and Jasper Hale for Edna and Wilbur Turnblad. Wait a second. These are both guys. Does that mean that…?

_Emmett and Jasper stand up and walk towards the stage. Everyone watching tries to stifle laughter, since Emmett is in full drag._

**Mr. Ecouter:** Well, I never really considered having a guy play the role of Edna….

**Emmett:** _(pretends to look offended) _Why not? Isn't the part usually played by a man in drag? I swear I will KILL Alice if she made me dress up like this for nothing.

**Mr. Ecouter: **Well, it is… Er… Very well. You two may begin.

**Jasper**  
"styles keepa changin  
the worlds rearrangin  
but Edna your timeless to me  
hemlines are shorter  
a beer costs a quarter  
but time cannot take what comes free  
your like a stinky old cheese babe  
just gettin riper with age  
your like a fatal disease babe  
but there's no cure  
so let this fever rage  
some folks cant stand it  
say time is like a bandit  
but I take the opposite view  
cause when I need a lift  
time brings a gift  
another day with you  
a twist or a waltz  
its all the same schmaltz  
with just a change in the scenery  
you'll never be old hat  
that's that!  
You're timeless to me"

**Emmett**  
"Oh Wilbur I love you!  
fads keep a fadin'  
castros invading  
but Wilber you're timeless to me  
hairdos are higher  
mine feels like barbed wire  
but you say I'm chic as can be!  
you're like a rare vintage ripple  
a vintage they'll never forget  
so pour me a teeny weenie triple  
and we can toast the fact  
we ain't dead yet!  
I can't stop eating  
you're hairline's receding  
and soon you'll have nothing at all  
so you'll wear a wig  
while I roast a pig  
hey! pass the geritol!  
glenn miller had brass  
that chubby checker's a gas  
but they all pass eventually  
you'll never be passe  
hip horray!  
you're timeless to me!"

_The musical interlude begins. Emmett and Jasper start tangoing around the stage, much to the amusement of everyone watching._

**Jasper**

"you're like a broken down Chevy"

**Emmett**  
"all I need is a fresh coat of paint"

**Jasper**  
"and Edna,  
you got me goin hot and heavy  
you're fat and old  
but baby  
boring you ain't!"

**Emmett and Jasper**  
some folks don't get it  
but we never fret it  
cause we know that time  
is our friend  
yeah, its plain to see  
that you're stuck with me  
until the bitter end  
and we got a kid  
who's blowin the lid  
off the Turnblad family tree

**Emmett**  
you'll always hit the spot  
BIG SHOT!  
you're timeless to me

**Jasper**  
you'll always be du jour  
mon amour  
you're timeless to me

**Emmett**  
you'll always be first string

**Jasper**  
Ring-a-ding-ding!

**Emmett and Jasper**  
you're timeless to me

**Emmett**  
you're timeless to me

**Jasper**  
you're timeless to me

**Emmett and Jasper**  
you're timeless to me.

**Mr. Ecouter: **Very well done boys. The tango bit was highly amusing. If you two get the parts, we'll keep the tango number. Next up…. Isabella Swan.

**Bella: **Bella.

**Mr. Ecouter: **Pardon?

**Bella: **I prefer Bella, not Isabella. I'm auditioning for Tracy Turnblad and I'll be singing "I Can Hear the Bells."

_Bella walks up to the stage, ignoring the evil glares from both Jessica and Lauren._

**Lauren:** You're wasting your time, Swan. The role of Tracy is mine.

**Jessica:** Whatever. Bella's so not getting the part; I am. That's why he stopped me early, of course. He knew I was perfect. And since the only seemingly decent Link is Edward, we'll get to kiss! Everything is going perfectly!

_Edward clenches his teeth as we watches Bella's audition._

**Bella**  
"I can hear the bells, well don't you hear 'em chime? Can't you feel my heart-beat keeping perfect time? And all because he...  
Touched me,  
He looked at me and stared yes he...  
Bumped me,  
My heart was unprepared when he...  
Tapped me,  
And knocked me off my feet, one little touch now my life's complete 'cause when he...  
Nudged me,  
Love put me in a fix yes it...  
Hit me,  
Just like a ton of bricks, yes my heart burst now I know what life's about, one little touch and love's knocked me out  
and...  
I can hear the bells,  
My head is spinning.  
I can hear the bells,  
Something's beginning.  
Everybody says that a girl who looks like me can't win his love well just wait and see 'cause...  
I can hear the bells,  
Just hear them chiming,  
I can hear the bells,  
My temperature's climbing,  
I can't contain my joy 'cause I've finally found the boy I've been missin'  
LISTEN!  
I can hear the bells.  
Round 1,  
He'll ask me on a date, and then..

Round 2,  
I'll primp but won't be late, because  
Round 3's  
When we kiss inside his car!  
Won't go all the way but I'll go pretty fa-ar  
Round 4,  
He'll ask me for my hand, and then...  
Round 5,  
We'll book the wedding band, so by...  
Round 6,  
Amber, much to your surprise, this heavy-weight champion takes the prize and  
I can hear the bells,  
My ears are ringing,  
I can hear the bells,  
The brides-maids are singing,  
Everybody says that a guy who's such a gem, won't look my way well the laughs on them 'cause  
I can hear the bells,  
My father will smile,  
I can hear the bells,  
As he walks me down the isle,  
My mother starts to cry but I can't see 'cause Link and I are french kissin'  
LISTEN!  
I can hear the bells.  
I can hear the bells,  
My head is reeling,  
I can hear the bells,  
I can't stop the peeling,  
Everybody warns that he won't like what he'll see but I know that he'll look inside of me yeah...  
I can hear the bells,  
Today's just the start 'cause,  
I can hear the bells and,  
Till death do us part and,  
Even when we die we'll look down from up above remembering the night that we two fell in love, We both will shed a tear and  
he'll whisper as we're remanisn'  
LISTEN!  
I can hear the bells,  
I can hear the bells,  
I can hear the bells."

**Mr. Ecouter: **Beautiful, Bella! Very well done. Last but not least, we have Edward Cullen auditioning for Link Larkin.

**Edward:** Thank you sir. I'll be singing "Ladies' Choice."

_Edward begins walking towards the stage. As he goes, Alice's eyes go unfocused for a brief second. She runs over to Bella at vampire speed._

**Alice: **Bella, we have a problem.

**Bella: **What's up?

**Alice: **Jessica.

**Bella:** What is she up to now?

**Alice:** Well, you know the musical interlude in "Ladies' Choice?" _Bella nods._ Well, she's planning on dancing, you know, to get Edward's attention.

**Bella:** _(hisses) _WHAT?!?!?!?!?!?!

**Alice: **Relax, Bella. Just get up and start dancing before she does. That way, if she tries, she'll look like a copy-cat.

**Bella:** I don't have a choice, do I? _Alice smiles._ Fine.

_Edward reaches the microphone. The music starts and he closes his eyes in order to concentrate._

**Edward**

"Hey little girl with the cash to burn  
Well I'm sellin' something you won't return  
Hey little girl take me off the shelf  
'Cause it's hard having fun playing with yourself  
Once you've browsed through the whole selection  
Shake those hips in my direction"

_Bella starts dancing subtly to prevent Jessica from ruining the performance. Edward's eyes are still closed so he doesn't notice Bella. Jessica glares at Bella and Bella shoots her a "bite me" look._

**Edward**  
"A prettier package you never did see  
Take me home then unwrap me  
Shop around little darlin' I've got to be  
The Ladies' Choice, (Ladies' Choice), Ladies' Choice  
Hey little girl lookin' for a sale  
Test drive this American male  
It's gonna take cash to fill my tank  
So let's crack open your piggy bank  
Hey little girl goin window shopping  
I got something traffic stopping  
Hey, little girl on a spending spree  
I don't come cheap but the kisses come free  
On closer inspection I'm sure that you'll agree  
I'm the Ladies' Choice, (Ladies' Choice), Ladies' Choice"

_The musical interlude begins. Bella starts dancing full force, her moves perfect replicas of those used by Tracy in the play._

**Alice:** Edward, open your eyes.

_Edward opens his eyes and sees Bella dancing. His jaw drops and Bella giggles without losing her focus. Edward continues to stare at her in shock, realizing at the last second that he needs to start singing again. He begins singing once more, his eyes never leaving Bella._

**Edward**  
"Wow!  
Hey, little girl on a spending spree  
I don't come cheap but the kisses come free  
On closer inspection I'm sure that you'll agree

OOOHHHHH!  
Hey little girl, listen to my plea  
I come with a lifetime guarantee  
And one day maybe we'll find that baby makes three  
It's the Ladies' Choice  
I'm the Ladies' Choice  
The Ladies' Choice  
I'm the Ladies' Choice choice choice  
I'm the Ladies' Choice"

**Mr. Ecouter:** Thank you Edward!! The auditions are officially over. Results will be posted outside the gym door tomorrow afternoon. Thank you all for coming!

**Edward**: (_whispers_) Bella, what was the dancing for, have you finally gotten over your dancing issues?

**Bella**: (_whispers_) No, if anything they've just gotten worse. I was saving your performance from Jessica.

_Edward chuckles and gives Bella not-so brief kiss on the lips as thanks._

SCENE

**Well, what do you guys think? Was that enough laughs for you guys or do you need more? If you do, then stay tuned for Scene 4!**

**xoxoxoxoxoxo, TwilightTeen212, REL246, and LRN145**


	4. Scene 4

**Don't kill us! We tried to update yesterday, but fanfic was acting all screwy and wouldn't let us. We're sorry!**

Scene 4

_Interior, day: Outside of the Forks High School gym. The entire school is waiting outside for Mr. Ecouter to post the parts up on the door. Mr. Ecouter walks out and uses a thumb-tack to post the list. Alice immediately grabs it, climbs up onto a chair, and begins reading it aloud._

**Alice:** Okay, guys listen up. Here's the cast list.

Tracy – Bella

Link – Edward

Seaweed – Jacob

Penny – Renesmee

Lil' Inez – Claire

Amber – Me

Edna – Emmett

Wilbur – Jasper

Velma – Rosalie

Corny – Felix

Motormouth Mabel – Lizzie

Prudy – Tanya

White Council Members – Alec, Jane, Victoria, James, Laurent, Irina, Kate, Garrett, Carmen, Eleazar, Heidi, and Demetri

African-American Council Members – Sam, Emily, Jared, Kim, Paul, Rachel, Embry, Leah, Seth, Quil, and Rebecca

Dynamites: Kim, Leah, and Emily

Everyone else: extras.

Congrats everybody!

_Muffled congratulations and sorries fill the air as people celebrate getting their desired parts. A few downcast faces can be seen in the crowd._

**Jessica: **That bitch!! How dare Bella steal Edward from me! He's mine Bella… Just wait until you embarrass yourself in front of the whole school, than Edward will see what a loser you are and dump you for me!! I'll get you back for that dance during Edward's performance, I don't know how you did it, but you knew that I was going to do that!! That was my idea and you stole it! Bitch! At least I got an extra part, then I'll be able to reciprocate.

**Lauren:** There goes Hollywood. You'll pay Cullens; you'll pay for this!!

**Mike:** Great, now I'll have to figure out a new way to steal Bella from Edward. Wait, I decided they were both dummies. Ya, they're idiots, very stupid idiots…yep, stupid.

**Edward:** _(chuckling)_ Wow, Bells, we just gained a few enemies. And I think Mike is going crazy too.

**Bella:** (_laughing along_) Poor Mike. As for the enemies though…_ Bella gives Edward a low playful snarl_ I think my teeth might convince them to stay away from us

_Edward laughs at Bella's response as Alice confirms that she was just kidding._

**Emmett:** Great. Now I get to dress up like a chick in front of the whole school. FUN!

**Rosalie:** Don't worry Em, you'll always be my man.

_Rosalie leans in to kiss Emmett. Everyone with in hearing range laughs and whistles. Emmett shoots them a death glare and continues kissing Rose while an un-natural silence falls, except the vampires, who keep laughing._

**Emmett:** _(whispers)_ So, Rose, how about that janitor's closet?

_Rosalie smiles and takes Emmett's hand. She starts leading him down the hallway and they disappear without the others noticing. Mild chuckles sound from the observers as they slowly drift away, leaving the Cullens and Jacob standing in the middle of the hallway._

**Jasper:** Well, that was uncomfortable.

_Everyone laughs. Suddenly, they notice that Emmett's booming laugh is missing. All six heads turn, looking for him. Then they realize Rosalie is missing too._

**Bella:** Where'd Emmett and Rosalie go?

**Edward:** You don't want to know, love.

**Renesmee:** Where are they?!?! I want to go home already!

**Alice: **Um… we may want to go home without them. They're going to be a while.

**Jacob:** Why, bloodsucker? Where are they?

**Alice:** _(hesitates, then sighs reluctantly) _Janitor's closet.

_Everyone groans, except for Jasper. All of his muscles are tense, as if he is fighting something off. He is sensing the lust from Emmett and Rosalie and is trying to resist the urge to jump Alice. No one notices his inner struggle._

**Jacob:** Are you sure, bloodsucker?

_Alice opens her mouth to answer, but is cut of by Jasper, who grabs her and starts kissing her eagerly._

**Bella:** _(laughs)_ Yeah, she's sure.

**Edward: **_(laughs as well)_ Help me get Jasper off of Alice, love.

_Bella and Edward each grab one of Jasper's arms and manage to pry him away from Alice._

**Alice:** We should go home. Now.

_Alice starts walking down the hall, Jacob and Renesmee behind her. Edward and  
Bella follow, still holding on to Jasper. They walk out the doors and into the parking lot. The doors close just as Rosalie and Emmett reappear._

**Rosalie:** Sorry about that, guys. _She looks around._ Guys? Edward? Bella? Alice? Jasper? Renesmee?

_No response. The school is deserted._

**Emmett:** Back to the janitor's closet, Rose?

**Rosalie:** Save it for when we get home, Emmett.

**Emmett:** Fine, fine. _He pouts._ Hey, I'll race you home. Loser spends the night tied to the bed!

**Rosalie:** You're going down, baby.

**Emmett:** Ready?_ Rosalie nods._ On your marks, get set…

**Rosalie:** GO!_ She shoots off down the hall at vampire speed._

**Emmett:** No fair! You got a head start._ Rosalie's tinkling laugh sounds down the hall. Emmett chases after her._

SCENE

**So before we go, I just wanted to make a small announcement. For those of you who don't know, there are a couple of other stories out there that have been written by some of the authors of this. They are:**

**1) A Different Kind of World (TwilightTeen212)**

**2) A Different Kind of World: The Boys (TwilightTeen212)**

**3) Decode (TwilightTeen212)**

**4) Never Think (TwilightTeen212)**

**5) Vampires vs Stephanie Meyer (LRN415)**

**If you like what you're reading here, check out some of our other works! Until next time.**

**xoxoxoxoxoxo, TwilightTeen212, LRN415, and REL246**


	5. Scene 5

**Don't kill us! We're so so so sorry we didn't update last week; TwilightTeen212 was away, and since this is posted on her account, we couldn't update. We're sorry! We'll make it up to you, we promise. Review good and we'll give you guys another scene this weekend, promise!**

* * *

Scene 5

_Interior, day: Forks High School. The entire cast is inside the auditorium waiting for the first rehearsal to start. They are chattering among themselves. Mr. Ecouter walks into the room and the conversations die out._

**Mr. Ecouter:** Hello everyone, and welcome to the first Rehearsal, Hairspray cast!

**Everyone:** Hi, Mr. Ecouter!

**Mr. Ecouter:** Before we start, I'm going to tell you the few rules that we are going to have. Rule one: The main cast must be at every rehearsal. _Crowd groans._ Rule two: When I am talking, or we are practicing, no one else is talking. Rule three: learn your parts well and fast, and finally rule four: HAVE FUN! _Quiet cheers._ The first rehearsal has officially started! _Alice smiles at the rest of the Cullens, clearly happy she finally got her wish. Edward rolls his eyes and Bella laughs._ We are going to start with Edward as Link singing his audition song again, with Jessica and Lauren as back-round dancers. Now girls, make this first dance very sixties, mashed potatoes, twist and shout, etc. We'll prefect it as we go on.

_Edward kisses Bella on the cheek and stands up. Jessica and Lauren stand too, giggling._

**Jessica:** Yes! This is my time to pay Bella back for dancing during Edwards audition. Except this time instead of dancing like I'm supposed to, I'll interrupt Edward by kissing him. He'll be so surprised and happy he'll kiss me back and ditch Bella.

**Lauren:** Maybe I'll get noticed from my dancing skills, and Edward will ditch clumsy Bella for me!

_Alice's eyes go blank as she sees Jessica's plan and runs vampire speed over to Bella. Edward doesn't hear Jessica's or Lauren's thoughts, because he is tuning them out, like usual._

**Alice:** Bella, Jessica is planning on doing another stint to pay you back from stealing her dance moves.

**Bella:** What is that bitch planning NOW?

**Alice:** Well, don't freak out, but she's planning to kiss him.

**Bella:** WHAT?!!!! That bitch must have a death wish, she better, and then I'll have an excuse to rip her throat out.

**Alice:** Calm down, Bella. All you need to do is stop her, without killing/hurting her. Just go up there and kiss Edward before she does.

**Bella:** I don't mind doing that.

_Edward, Jessica and Lauren reach the stage, and Edward walks to the microphone to start singing. Jessica and Lauren begin dancing in the background. They try to dance like they are from the sixties, but fail miserably._

**Edward:**

"Hey little girl with the cash to burn

Well I'm sellin' something you won't return

Hey little girl take me off the shelf

'Cause it's hard having fun playing with yourself

Once you've browsed through the whole selection

Shake those hips in my direction

A prettier package you never did see

Take me home then unwrap me

Shop around little darlin' I've got to be

The Ladies' Choice, (Ladies' Choice), Ladies' Choice

Hey little girl lookin' for a sale

Test drive this American male

It's gonna take cash to fill my tank

So let's crack open your piggy bank

Hey little girl goin window shopping

I got something traffic stopping

Hey, little girl on a spending spree

I don't come cheap but the kisses come free

On closer inspection I'm sure that you'll agree

I'm the Ladies' Choice, (Ladies' Choice), Ladies' Choice."

_Musical interlude starts. Jessica slowly starts edging towards Edward._

**Alice**: (_whispers)_ Bella right after the interlude is over, there's that line, "I don't come cheap but the kisses come free." Interrupt him before he can say 'free." Oh, and you might want to start walking now.

**Bella:** _(whispers back, nodding her head)_ Got it.

_Bella gets up and starts walking at human speed towards Edward. He looks at her questioningly, but continues to sing. Jessica moves again so she is standing about a foot away from Edward. Mr. Ecouter looks at her questioningly, but she ignores him and keeps dancing._

**Edward**

"Wow!

Hey, little girl on a spending spree"

_Jessica leans in and reaches out to grab Edward's shirt and pull him towards her. He doesn't notice._

**Edward**

"I don't come cheap but the kisses come --"

_Just as Jessica is about to grab Edward shirt, Bella leans in, grabs it, and drags him towards her. She kisses Edward on the mouth, very enthusiastically. He kisses her back, surprised, but into it. Jessica looks infuriated. _

**Mr. Ecouter:** What do you two think you're doing?! _Mr. Ecouter walks up to Bella and Edward who are still kissing and tries, unsuccessfully, to pry them apart._ We are in the middle of a **rehearsal** here. They're setting such a bad example, but I can't kick them out of the play, they were the only decent Link and Tracy. Emmett, Alice, Rosalie Jasper. Can you guys help me out here?

_Emmett, Alice, Rosalie, and Jasper get up, barely containing their laughter. Everyone looks confused except Alice, who is practically laughing her head off. Emmett reaches Bella and Edward and forces them apart._

**Edward: (**_whispers) _Oops, sorry about that love. It was an accident. (_Speaks audibly_) Sorry, Mr. Ecouter.

_Edward is still holding Bella. Bella reaches up to touch his face, and makes a very concentrated face, lifting her shield._

**Bella:** Oh, no. That wasn't an accident. That was for Jessica. She was planning to kiss you, and I couldn't let that happen, now could I?

_Bella and Edward look at Jessica's absolutely murderous face and start laughing._

**Mr. Ecouter:** Make sure that doesn't happen again you two. But honestly, that might make it into the play. Interrupt Edward singing, "his kisses are free" by kissing him. Alice will do it though, because Bella won't be dating Edward's character yet. Hmm...

**Bella and Edward:** No problem, Mr. Ecouter. And sorry!!

_Mr. Ecouter returns to his seat, laughing quietly. Bella and Edward also follow laughing._

**Mr. Ecouter: **Okay, okay. Getting back on track now. Renesmee and Jacob, you guys will be singing Seaweed's and Penny's duet in "Without Love."

_Renesmee and Jacob stand up and walk onto stage, holding hands._

**Jacob**

"Living in the ghetto

Black is everywhere ya go

Who'd've thought I'd love a girl

Whose skin as white as winter's snow"

**Renesmee**

"In my ivory tower

Life was just a hostess snack

But now I've tasted chocolate

And I'm never going back"

**Renesmee and Jacob**

"'Cause without love"

**Jacob**

"Life is like a beat that you can't follow"

**Renesmee and Jacob**

"Without love"

**Renesmee**

"Life is doris day at the Apollo"

**Renesmee and Jacob**

"Darling, I'll be yours forever

'Cause I never wanna be

Without love

So darlin never set me free

Oh, I'm yours forever

Never set me free

No, no, no!"

_Renesmee gives Jacob a brief kiss on the lips and blushes. Edward presses his lips together in anger. Renesmee notices her dad's face._

**Jacob:** Ah.. Nessie, last night... That was perfect. Oh crap Jacob, control your thoughts, the bloodsucker is probably listening. An Aston Martin Vanquish with 350 horsepower lying on a flat road full of gas with no cops.

**Renesmee:** Dad, you've got to be kidding me. You and mom just made out in front of the ENTIRE cast!! Give me a break!!

**Bella: **_(whispers) _I thought we were over this?

**Edward: **_(whispers) _You're not the one who has to listen to his thoughts all the time, though he is learning how to control them, but Renesmee does have a bit of a point, we did just set a bad example for her.

_Bella rolls her eyes and looks back to Jacob and Renesmee. Jacob, seeming to have heard Bella and Edward's conversation, had a smug look on his face. _

**Mr. Ecouter:** What is it today with these teenagers kissing? Don't they know better than to not do that kind of stuff around people older than them? When will teenagers ever learn...?

_Edward chuckles and Bella looks at him questionably._

**Edward:**(_Whispers_) It is not very funny, love. Mr. Ecouter is just getting angry because we youngsters, who are actually around 100 years older than him, don't know how to act in front of "adults".

_All the vampires laugh at Edward's explanation._

**Mr. Ecouter:** Silence please! That is all the time we have for today. We have Rehearsal tomorrow; extras do need to come. Thank you, you may leave now.

**Edward**: (_Whispers as they are walking out of the gym_) Bella, I liked your little present, but I don't think you gave me the whole thing. I think you hid the rest in our cottage.

_Bella laughs and nods yes. Renesmee groans and Jacob looks around, pretending that he hadn't heard anything._

**Bella:** Alice, you can take everyone else home right? Edward and I will see you guys in the morning.

**Alice**: (_giggling_) Sure thing. Come on you guys!

_Bella and Edward kiss Renesmee on the cheek and then take off vampire speed towards their cottage. Alice, Jasper, Rosalie, Emmett, Jacob and Renesmee laugh and start walking toward the door. Emmett stops, his face seeming to light up._

**Emmett: **You know, Rosalie, that's not a bad idea. The school will be deserted soon, and I think I know of a very comfortable place in the janitor's closet.

_Rosalie rolls her eyes and keeps on walking with the others._

**Emmett: **_(standing in the now-deserted hallway) _What?!

SCENE

**Ah, Emmett's such a goofball, but that's why we all love him. Not as much as we love Edward, of course. Anyway, please review! Remember, we'll give you guys another scene if you do!**

**xoxoxoxoxo, TwilightTeen212, REL246, and LRN415**


	6. Scene 6

Scene 6

_Interior, day: All major actors are inside the gymnasium waiting for rehearsal to start. Mr. Ecouter walks in._

**Mr. Ecouter: **Hi everyone. Today we're going to work on Link and Amber's scenes. Edward and Alice please go to the stage. Yesterday when Edward was singing "Ladies' Choice," Bella interrupted him with a kiss. I think that is actually a really excellent idea, but Alice, you'll interrupt instead. And... Action!

_Edward kisses Bella and starts walking to the stage while Alice kisses Jasper and walks to the stage. Bella and Jasper grind their teeth in frustration._

**Edward:**

"Hey little girl with the cash to burn

Well I'm sellin' something you won't return

Hey little girl take me off the shelf

'Cause it's hard having fun playing with yourself

Once you've browsed through the whole selection

Shake those hips in my direction

A prettier package you never did see

Take me home then unwrap me

Shop around little darlin' I've got to be

The Ladies' Choice, (Ladies' Choice), Ladies' Choice

Hey little girl lookin' for a sale

Test drive this American male

It's gonna take cash to fill my tank

So let's crack open your piggy bank

Hey little girl goin window shopping

I got something traffic stopping

Hey, little girl on a spending spree

I don't come cheap but the kisses come free

On closer inspection I'm sure that you'll agree

I'm the Ladies' Choice, (Ladies' Choice), Ladies' Choice.

Wow!

Hey, little girl on a spending spree

I don't come cheap but the kisses come --"

_Despite Carlisle's warning, Alice kisses Edward on the mouth with a lot of enthusiasm while Bella and Jasper audibly growl. Edward looks very surprised and pushes her away._

**Mike:** Yes, now Edward will go for Alice and I can have Bella!! I bet Bella will break up with him for this. He looked pretty into it; just surprised she blew their secret like that. Bella Newton. I love you Bella, LOVE you!!

**Renesmee:** What the HELL is aunt Alice doing? Mom is so going to kill her when we get home...

**Eric:** Hm… Jasper doesn't look to happy about this…. I wonder if he'll break up with Alice for that… But then she'd probably just get together with Edward since there's no way Bella would stay with him after that… Oh, well.

**Mr. Ecouter:** Okay, thank you, Alice and Edward… Rehearsal's done for today. Thank you everyone!

SCENE

**Kinda short, we know. We're just setting the stage for some real drama. He he he......**

**xoxoxoxoxo, TwilightTeen212, REL246, and LRN415**


	7. Scene 7

**Who's ready for all hell to break loose? We are! Then let's get this scene rolling!**

Scene 7

_Interior day: Cullen's living room, right after the second rehearsal. The only people in the room are Bella and Jasper. _

**Bella:** So, Jazz, I have this really crazy idea to pay back Alice for kissing Edward, and I was wondering if you would go along with it?

**Jasper:** What are you thinking Bella?

**Bella:** I was thinking that we should give them a taste of their own medicine. You know, kiss each other, in front of them.

**Jasper:** You do know your absolutely crazy right? _Bella nods yes. _Well, as long as that's settled, I think it would be funny.

**Bella:** Yay! This is going to be so much fun! Oh, and don't forget to control your thoughts until it happens- and the decision to actually kiss me. We don't want them finding out. But we should probably do it sooner rather than later. When they walk in the room, okay?

**Jasper:** Sure. This is insane but whatever... you're not going to listen to me so why not?

_Bella joins Jasper on the loveseat as Alice and Edward walk in. Both of their eyes narrow as they see Bella and Jasper, who had kissed as soon as they saw Alice and Edward walk in. Once Bella and Jasper notice them seeing them kiss, they stop. Bella stands up, embarrassed._

**Edward and Alice:** What the HELL were you guys doing!?!?

_Edward grabs Bella and looks into her very composed eyes, looking for an answer. Alice starts vampire crying._

**Alice:** I can't believe this; if they were planning it I would have seen it. It must have been spontaneous. Oh, God. Jasper... please, Jasper, tell me this isn't happening. Oh God...

_Jasper stands up and goes to Alice's side because he can't stand to see her breaking down over something he did. Edward stops looking over Bella's face to see what Jasper will say._

**Jasper: **Alice, honey, please relax. I'm so sorry. Bella thought it would be good pay back. You know, show you what we felt like when you kissed Edward. We're so, so sorry.

**Bella:** Alice, don't get mad at Jazz. It was my idea. I got insanely jealous when you kissed my husband so I thought this would be a good way to tell you that you SHOULD NEVER DO THAT AGAIN. _Edward still looks upset, but relieved to know what his wife was thinking. He chuckles slightly. _What is so funny?

**Edward:** That you find it necessary to kiss Jasper to show us what it felt like! You don't think I felt bad enough? Plus what Mike was thinking when he saw us kiss. I really need to rip that boy to pieces. He is JUST like his Great-Great-Grandfather. _Bella starts looking ashamed when Edward explains. Edward sees her looking bad and immediately softens. _Don't worry love. I can't stay mad at you.

**Bella:** You should after what I did, what I made Jasper do. Edward, Alice, Jasper, you have no idea how sorry I am. _Starts vampire crying._ Please, please forgive me. Alice, Jazz really had no part in this, I convinced him, if you need to be mad at anyone be mad at me not him. And Edward, I'll stay in Renesmee's old room tonight if you want me to. I would completely understand why. I'm really sorry you guys.

**Edward:** I'm sorry, too, love. Sorry that I made you feel this bad. How could you think for one second that I wouldn't want you by my side tonight? I love you Bella; that will never, ever change, even if you kissed my sister's husband.

**Alice:** Same goes for me. Of course I'm not mad at you, _Alice's voice sounds slightly strained as she continues _just a little disappointed that you couldn't come up with a more creative way for revenge, what with all that extra room in your head for scheming.

**Jasper:** And Bella, I have no reason to be mad at you. If anything I'm at just as much at fault. I agreed after all. And I'm sorry about that Bella, Edward and Alice, I'm sorry I agreed, but it was fun seeing your faces.

_Alice kisses Jasper and Edward kisses Bella telling them that everything is fine. They start laughing. Meanwhile, Rosalie and Emmett walk down stairs._

**Emmett: **What joke did we miss?

_Jasper and Bella look at each other, then at their mates, and start laughing harder at the craziness that just occurred. _

**Edward: **Well, after Alice and I…

**Bella:** If you don't want to tell them, you don't have too.

**Emmett:** Oh yes he does! This sounds good!

**Rosalie: **Emmett!! If he doesn't want to tell than leave him be. _Rosalie continues cooing to Alice. _Alice, sweetie, why don't you tell us what happened?

_Alice fake gags at Rosalie's overly sweet voice._

**Edward:** That's okay, Rose, I'll tell you guys. So after Alice and I kissed, Bella here comprised a little plan for pay back. She convinced Jasper to kiss her in front of us, to give us a taste of our own medicine. _Bella mouths sorry again while Rosalie and Emmett's mouth drop._ We walked in seeing them kissing, somehow refrained from killing each other, and talked it out. After we were done with that, we realized how silly the whole thing was and started laughing. Satisfied?

**Emmett: **Um... well ya! _Starts laughing hysterically. _This is just too good! Bella and Jasper, you guys are NEVER going to forget this!! Bella you made me promise a while ago not to make sex jokes about you and Edward, and I'm keeping to that promise, but the jokes about you and Jasper... They are going to get BAD.

_Alice, Jasper, Edward and Bella growl at Emmett._

**Bella: **_barely containing the threat_ Emmett, you will not say anything about this to anyone, ever. Not to Rosalie, not to anyone, or so help me…

**Emmett:** What are you going to do? You're not a newborn anymore, I'm stronger than you; you attack, and you get hurt.

_Edward growls and runs vampire speed in front of Bella and crouches as if ready to attack._

**Edward:** You will NOT threaten my wife!

_Rosalie is suddenly in front of Emmett, snarling at Edward._

**Rosalie: **And if he does?

_Bella grabs onto Edward's shoulder while Emmett grabs onto Rosalie's to keep them from attacking each other. Carlisle and Esme walk in at the same time that Edward breaks lose from Bella and springs onto Rosalie._

**Carlisle:** Who's responsible this time? _Edward comes to his senses and gets off of Rosalie before Emmett can get involved and smiles sheepishly. _Well??

**Edward:** It's a really long story.

**Carlisle: **We are immortal, you know; we have all the time in the world.

**Bella:** It's really my place to explain. It's all my fault.

**Alice: **Well not ALL your fault, I did kiss Edward after all.

**Esme:** You WHAT Alice? I thought we went over this! Can someone please explain?

**Bella:** Well, Alice kissed Edward during rehearsal, and I thought that a good pay back would be if they found Jasper and me kissing.

_Carlisle and Esme gasp and Jasper continues the story._

**Jasper:** I let her convince me to do it, and we kissed right when Edward and Alice walked into the door to the 4 seconds it took them to see us, then stopped.

**Carlisle:** If it was you and Bella that kissed, which is completely insane by the way, then why was Edward attacking Rosalie?

**Jasper:** Well, they somehow managed not to lose it when they saw us, and we talked it out and started laughing about it.

**Bella:** Then Emmett and Rosalie came downstairs and they were wondering what was so funny. Edward explained and Emmett told me that sex jokes about Jasper and me were going to start. I told him that he shouldn't do that, then he threatened me.

**Jasper: **Edward naturally came to her defense, and Rosalie to Emmett's. Edward broke lose of Bella's hold and attacked Rosalie, and then you two walked in. Any questions?

_Carlisle and Esme are speechless at the craziness of their adopted children's actions. There is a lengthy pause before Carlisle continues._

**Carlisle:** Well, I'm not going to deny that all of you are in big trouble. I have half a mind to forbid you to continue the play (_Alice groans)_ but that would probably break poor Mr. Ecouter's heart. Alice, you are, under no conditions, to kiss Edward again. Bella same for you and Jasper. Emmett, no sex jokes about Bella and Jasper, ever. (_Mumbles audibly_) These kids are absolutely crazy. (_Speaking_) I'm going to think of a suitable punishment for you, but while I do, you are not to leave your housing places, the cottage, this house etc. except for school, rehearsal and hunting. You will also not hunt more than absolutely necessary. This will go on until the end of the play.

_Everyone groans but do not press the subject; they know they deserved it. There is a small pause, and then everyone drifts back to their rooms. Edward and Bella head to the cottage to make up in a very adult way._

SCENE

**Dang, these guys are crazy, huh? And this is just the tip of the iceberg, honeys. There's a lot more crazies coming up soon.**

**xoxoxoxoxo, TwilightTeen212, REL246, and LRN415**


	8. Scene 8

**DON'T KILL US!!!!!!!! We're sorry we didn't update sooner, but we've been really busy. We promise to make it up to you guys though: we'll give you another update on Sunday, ok? WE PROMISE.**

SCENE 8

_Interior, Day: Cafeteria during lunchtime. The Cullen's are all sitting at one table, alone._

**Edward:** Ugh, Alice… Everyone is thinking about our kiss. The stories have gone so far as to say you're dumping Jasper for me and I'm dumping Bella for you. This is getting really annoying.

**Alice:** Sorry 'bout that. Seems like they're not just thinking about the kiss either, did you just here Jessica insist that I've got nothing on her and you are practically hers now?

_Everyone chuckles and listens in on the humans' conversations._

**Jessica:** I don't care what you say Angela. Mike told me himself that he saw Edward and Bella break up. Now that he's a free man, he'll go for me!! Ahhh… life is sweet.

**Angela: **But Jess, Edward and Bella are holding hands right now, just look.

_On hearing this, Jessica turns her head to look at Bella and Edward, who kiss each other as soon as she looks at them._

**Jessica: **DAMN! Why must that Swan girl get everything that I want!!! It's not fair; I need to pay her back for everything she's done… She won't be able to see me coming from behind, I'll make her trip in front of the entire school and then she'll be so embarrassed that she'll drop out of the play. Once she's not Tracy anymore, I will be, and Edward will be mine!

**Angela:** Jess, what are you thinking?

**Jessica:** Nothing, except completely ruining Bella Swan's life.

**Bella:** What was she thinking Edward?

**Edward:** Making you trip in front of the entire school so you'll be too embarrassed to be Tracy.

_All the vampires laugh and Bella rolls her eyes._

**Bella:** Well, considering how often I tripped while I was still human, I don't think that's so bad. I wish she could come up with something more creative!!

**Edward:** Plus the fact that once she tries to jump you, it would be like she jumped into a granite wall and fell down. Oh for the love of… Mike Newton has GOT to be kidding me.

_All the vampires look at him questionably and listen in on Mike and Eric's conversation._

**Mike:** Serves that Edward character right for kissing Alice in front of everyone. Once I get Bella, I'd never cheat on her, and if I did, I'd never kiss the girl I was cheating with in front of her. I mean, how stupid can you get?

**Eric:** Ya, I know. I almost feel bad for Jasper and Bella, but then I remember that now Alice is a free lady, and she can be mine! Hopefully Katie won't find out about it… she's a nice girl, I don't want to hurt her feelings…

_Back at the vampire table, Edward laughs and everyone looks around for an explanation._

**Edward:** Eric was thinking that he hoped Katie didn't find out about him and Alice because it would hurt her feelings, and he doesn't want to do that because she's a nice girl.

**Bella:** Wow. How low can you get? I just wish these people would leave us alone! I mean, I know it didn't work with me, but aren't we supposed to scare them or something?

**Edward:** In a sense, yes. But remember what I told you in the meadow that first day? _Bella nods that of course she remembered the first day in the meadow. _We physically attract our prey, they like the way we look, sound and smell. It draws them to us so we can have a real lunch instead of this foul smelling crap.

_He gestures towards the barely edible (for a human) sloppy Joe that was for lunch that day. Everyone laughs._

**Bella:** Sweetie, did you forget that we're vegetarians? If we weren't, I'd be dead, and that wouldn't be so nice, would it?

_Edward cringes. Everybody else laughs._

**Emmett:** Ya, you do have to admit she's fun to have around. I can't wait to walk in on her and Jasper-

_Bella, Edward, Alice and Jasper growl at Emmett leaving his sentence unfinished. The nearby humans look around. Rosalie slaps Emmett on the head, hard._

**Rosalie:** Emmett! Carlisle said not to! Plus, if you keep acting like such a bad boy, I might become a very, very bad girl. _The vampires wolf-whistle, Emmett has a huge smile on his face, and Rosalie scowls. _Actually, you sickos, I was referring to not letting him get anywhere near me. So, if you would kindly take back the wolf-whistle that would be greatly appreciated.

**Emmett:** (_his voice very strained) _You're going to what? You know that the longest we've ever gone without doing it was like- _Rosalie slaps him once again on the head._

**Rosalie:** You will also not disclose our sex life with our family during a meal!

**Emmett:** You call this a meal? Please, this isn't even real meat, let alone grizzly…

_Everyone laughs. The Cullens all pick up their (full) trays and walk out of the cafeteria. The camera pans over to Lauren and Jessica._

**Jessica:** Lauren, I need your help sabotaging Bella and Edward.

**Lauren:** I dunno… what's in it for me, Jess?

**Jessica:** Well, I want to embarrass Bella so badly and make her look like such an idiot that Edward breaks up with her and she loses the part of Tracy. So, I'm willing to let you have the part, so long as I get Edward.

**Lauren:** We'll negotiate more later. I'm in.

**Jessica:** Sweet. Thanks! Now, what should we do?

**Lauren: **Hm… well, it has to be something really bad – bad enough that Edward would dump Bella and the school would have to punish her.

**Jessica:** Oh, I know! We should spread a rumor that Jasper and Bella have been hooking up with each other behind Edward's and Alice's backs.

**Lauren:** But how does that get her kicked out of the play?

**Jessica: **Hm…. I know! We'll say he got her pregnant.

**Lauren:** Oh, that's so good. But how will we get proof?

**Jessica:** We fake it using the sonograms of my little sister. We'll pretend they're actually Bella's.

**Lauren:** But what about the bump?

**Jessica: **We'll figure that out later.

**Lauren:** And how do we prove it's Jasper's?

**Jessica: **Um…

_Mike walks over to the table and sits down next to Jessica._

**Mike:** You two look like you're up to something.

**Lauren:** Mike, you're good with Photoshop, right?

**Mike:** Yeah…. Why?

**Lauren:** Depends. How far are you willing to stoop in order to get Bella?

**Mike:** Hell.

**Lauren:** Good. Jessica, we have our proof.

**Mike:** Huh? What did I miss here?

**Jessica:** We're planning to make everyone think that Bella and Jasper are having a kid. Together.

**Mike:** Nice. So where do I fit into this?

**Jessica:** We need you to Photoshop pictures of them, together; kissing, hugging, stuff like that. Maybe even a little more PG-13.

**Mike:** I'm in.

**Jessica and Lauren: **Excellent.

_The bell rings. Mike, Jessica, and Lauren all jump out of their seats and rush to class._

SCENE

**We told you the drama was only getting started. Looks like Bella and Jasper better watch their backs....**

**xoxoxoxoxo, TwilightTeen212, LRN415, and REL246**


	9. Scene 9

**Who's ready for more drama???**

Scene 9

_Interior, day: Cullen's living room. Everyone is present (Renesmee, Emmett, Bella, Rosalie, Edward, Alice, Jasper, Carlisle, and Esme). Alice's eyes go blank and she looks horrified and Edward mouth drops._

**Jasper:** Alice, what's wrong? _She shakes her head with no answer._ Honey, you're scaring me. Edward?

**Edward:** I can't believe they can stoop this low. Wow.

**Jasper:** Can someone please tell me what's going on?

**Edward:** You might just kill Jessica, Lauren and Mike.

**Bella: **Jessica, Lauren and Mike have something to do with this? What are those assholes planning now?

**Edward:** Umm, Emmett, can you hold onto Jasper, and Rose, can you hold onto Bella while I tell them? _They move to hold Jasper and Bella by the wrists, wondering what is so drastic it would cause them to want to do something._ Thanks. Jessica and Lauren have decided to spread the rumor that Bella is pregnant with Jasper's love child. Mike is using Photoshop for the proof that it's Jasper's, and their using Jess's sister's sonogram pictures.

**Bella: **WHAT?!!! _Tries to break lose of Rosalie's hold._ I really need to kill her. NOW!

**Jasper:** (_growling_) Me. Too. She… WILL… die.

**Edward:** I want to kill her, too, but as Bella said at lunch, we are vegetarians.

**Carlisle:** Stop trying to make this funny Edward. Bella and Jasper will get in really big trouble if people believe this story. How are we going to counter it?

**Esme:** Pregnancy test? You could steal some pee from the hospital, Bella will use it on a test, and they'll see she's not pregnant.

**Renesmee:** Um, those don't really work on vampires, remember?

**Carlisle:** Nessie's right. Also, it's too complicated and risky. Nice try though.

**Emmett:** Why don't we just move ag-_ Alice growls at him leaving his sentence unfinished._

**Alice:** We're enrolled in the play, and it's the middle of the year! We can't move again!

**Carlisle:** Alice is right, Emmett. We can't move. I know, I'll write her a doctor's note saying she's not pregnant, and can't be, no one will doubt my word.

**Bella: **_(growls)_ Do I get a word in this? How about we just rip their throats out before they even spread the stupid rumor?

**Rosalie:** Would be a little weird wouldn't it? To find 3 high school kids disappear under impossible circumstances? The Volturi are already looking for a way to punish us, why give them something this easy?

**Edward:** Rose is right love, we can't kill them. I think Carlisle's idea would work, but everyone knows that he's our father so, wouldn't they think you lied?

**Carlisle:** At first, maybe, but after a while it will become obvious she isn't pregnant. Bella, wear very tight clothes over the next couple of weeks; it will show that you don't have a bump.

**Bella: **(_sighs_) Fine. But what about the part about me and Jasper hooking up? How will we put out that fire? I'll get in trouble for that, too.

**Alice:** How do you think Mike is even going to get the picture of you guys kissing anyways? When you kiss Edward he'll take a picture, and take a picture of me kissing Jasper and change Edward into Jasper. Done, easy as that. So all we have to do is not kiss one another in public for a while and we should be fine.

**Edward, Bella and Jasper: **Fine.

**Edward: **Rosalie, Emmett, you guys can let go now.

_Rosalie and Emmett let go of Bella and Jasper. _

**Alice:** Well, I really hope that, after this, Jessica will stop scheming. I wonder if there's a way to prove that they started this whole thing. Then they would be in so much trouble…

**Edward:** I like that idea. We could probably get Jessica's mom to say the sonogram picture is of Jessica's little sister.

**Bella:** So I don't need to wear tight clothing anymore? Thank God.

**Edward:** Fortunately for me, you do. Sorry love, but why not just prove it further, and make me happier?

**Bella: **_(sighs) _For you, fine.

SCENE

**Yeah, we know it's short. We promise that the next scene will be a really good one, though. Pretty long, lots of drama, slight inappropriateness; it's gonna be awesome.**

**Reviews make us happy!**

**xoxoxoxoxoxo, TwilightTeen212, LRN415, and REL246**


	10. Scene 10

**Okay, so I know we said that there'd be a lot more length, drama, and inappropriateness this chapter, but we were wrong. That's two chapters away. So review good, and you could have it by next week!**

Scene 10

_Interior, day: The hallways of Forks High School. Mike, Jessica, and Lauren are standing next to a row of lockers, discussing their plan._

**Jessica:** So, Mike, do you have the pictures of Bella and Jasper kissing?

**Mike:** Well, um…. I… You see… Er…

**Lauren:** Mike. Do you have the pictures or not?

**Mike:** No, I don't.

**Lauren:** Why the hell don't you have the pictures yet?!

**Mike:** Because none of them are kissing each other! I have nothing to edit. Maybe they just broke up of their own accord.

_As if on cue, Alice and Jasper appear at their lockers. They open them and retrieve their books. They shut their lockers. Jasper quickly pulls Alice towards him (at human speed) and gives her a quick peck on the lips. They walk away, holding hands._

**Jessica: **Sure doesn't look like they broke up.

**Lauren: **Tell me you got a picture of that.

**Mike:** Um… no. _Lauren looks like she is going to hit him._ I didn't have my camera out! They caught me off-guard!

**Jessica:** Then be more prepared next time!

**Mike:** Fine. You know, there's still the possibility that Edward and Bella have broken up.

_Like Alice and Jasper, Bella and Edward come walking down the hall at that exact moment. Edward's arm is around Bella's shoulders and hers is around his waist. As they pass Lauren, Jessica, and Mike, Bella stops, stands on her tiptoes, and quickly kisses Edward on the lips. Lauren and Jessica glare at her and she growls, but only so Edward can hear. He laughs and they continue walking down the hall._

**Lauren:** I'm guessing you didn't get that photo either, did you Mike?

**Mike:** Um… no. Sorry. _Lauren looks like she is about to kill him. _Please don't kill me!

**Lauren:** Fine. You will live…. For now. But I'm not making any promises about the future.

_Jessica and Lauren walk down the hall._

**Mike:** Great. What have I gotten myself into now?

_The bell rings. Mike jumps and runs to his next class._

SCENE

**Yeah, we know, it's short. We're doing some stage setting for Scene 12. That's when all the fun really begins. Now then.... REVIEW!!!**

**xoxoxoxoxo, TwilightTeen212, REL246, and LRN415**


	11. Scene 11

**So... yeah. Enjoy**

Scene 11

_Interior day: The entire cast, including extras, is in the auditorium waiting for rehearsal to start. Mr. Ecouter walks in and the room quiets down._

**Mr. Ecouter:** Good afternoon cast. Today, we will practice Edward and Bella's scene in "Without Love". Edward, Bella, Jacob, and Renesmee please get up onto the stage. _Edward and Bella walk up to the stage holding hands, Mr. Ecouter hands them the lyrics, thinking that they don't know them by heart yet._ I want all of you to kiss when the song is over, and Go! _Mike gets out his camera as Edward starts singing._

**Edward**

"Once I was a selfish fool

Who never understood

never looked inside myself

Though on the outside, I looked good!

Then we met and you made me

The man I am today

Tracy, I'm in love with you

No matter what you weigh

'Cause..."

**Edward and Bella**

"Without love"

**Edward**

"Life is like the seasons with

No summer"

**Edward and Bella**

"Without love"

**Edward**

"Life is rock 'n' roll without

A drummer

Tracy,"

**Edward and Bella**

"I'll be yours forever

'Cause I never wanna be

Without love"

**Edward**

"Tracy, never set me free"

**Edward and Bella**

"No, I ain't lyin'

Never set me free,"

**Edward:**

"Tracy,"

**Edward and Bella:**

"No, no, no!!"

**Jacob**

"Living in the ghetto

Black is everywhere ya go

Who'd 've thought I'd love a girl

With skin as white as winter's snow"

**Renesmee**

"In my ivory tower

Life was just a hostess snack

But now I've tasted chocolate

And I'm never going back"

**Renesmee and Jacob**

"'Cause without love"

**Jacob**

"Life is like a beat that you can't follow"

**Renesmee and Jacob**

"Without love"

**Renesmee**

"Life is doris day at the Apollo"

**Renesmee and Jacob**

"Darling, I'll be yours forever

'Cause I never wanna be

Without love

So darlin never set me free

Oh, I'm yours forever

Never set me free

No, no, no!"

**Edward**

"If I'm left without my babydoll

I don't know what ill do"

**Bella**

"Link, I've got to break out

So that I can get my hands on you"

**Jacob**

"And girl, if I can't touch you

and I'm gonna lose control"

**Renesmee**

"Seaweed, you're my black white knight

I've found my blue-eyed soul"

**Jacob**

"Sweet freedom is our goal"

**Edward**

"Trace, I wanna kiss ya!"

**Bella**

"Let me out at the next tole"

**ALL**

"'Cause without love"

**Jacob**

"Life is like a prom that won't invite us"

**ALL**

"Without love"

**Edward**

"Life's getting my big break and laryngitis"

**ALL**

"Without love"

**Renesmee**

"Life's a '45' when you can't buy it"

**ALL**

"Without love"

**Bella**

"Life is like my mother on a diet"

**ALL**

"Like a week that's only Mondays

Only ice cream never sundaes

Like a circle with no center

Like a door marked "do not enter!"

Darlin I'll be yours forever

'Cause I never wanna be

Without love

now you've captured me

without love

I surrender happily

without love"

**Renesmee:**

"Seaweed never set me free"

**All:**

"no no no

I ain't lying

never set me free

no no no

no I don't wanna live

without love

Darlin you have best believed me,

never leave me

without love"

_Edward and Bella kiss very enthusiastically and Mike snaps a picture. Edward growls very lowly._

**Edward: **(_Whispers_) Damn! That's one picture down. Lets hope Jasper and Alice don't slip up.

**Bella: **I don't think we have anything to worry about, but since he already got a picture of us- _Bella kisses Edward again, more enthusiastically and seductively., Edward chuckles slightly. _What's so funny?

**Edward:** Nothing really, I just missed kissing you in front of a crowd.

_Bella gives Edward a small growl and Edward kisses her once again. Jasper can't stand the feeling of love emanating from them and goes up to Alice, tackles her to the floor and kisses her on the mouth. Mike takes the picture and Alice's eyes go blank and she looks horrified. Jasper immediately gets off of her._

**Alice: **Oh, crap! Well, now we'll need Carlisle to prove Bella isn't pregnant. Damn it! This is going to be REALLY annoying.

**Jasper: **Sorry, I just couldn't stand… not being with you… there was so much love radiating off of them and I…

**Alice: **Shh.. Jasper, it's okay, we'll figure it out.

_Edward and Bella run (human speed) over to Alice and Jasper._

**Edward: **He got both pictures.

**Alice:** I know.

**Bella: **What do we do now?

**Edward:** Go ahead with Plan B. Make sure to wear something very tight to school tomorrow. This is NOT going to be fun.

_The Cullen's leave the gymnasium and the camera pans over to where Mike, Jessica and Lauren are having a heated argument._

**Mike:** I got the pictures! This is going to be so easy! They even already have the same backdrop. Now all I need to do is convert-

**Lauren:** Shut up Mike! We don't need to know the technologic part of this. Just make sure you have the pictures tomorrow okay? And have a LOT of them; we want to spread this thing far and wide.

**Mike: **Fine, fine. But it would too easy for people to trace it back to us…

**Jessica:** We'll tell the principal that Bella told me she's pregnant but didn't say whom. Mike you got the picture of Jasper and Bella together, and then we'll look like innocent kids who just want to help her out. He'll think that someone stole the pictures from Mike and leaked them or something.

**Lauren:** BRILLIANT!

**Jessica: **Thank you, I do have my moments.

SCENE

**So, next chapter is all the minor inappropriateness and drama we promised in Scene 9. Trust us when we say this, it's gonna be good!**

**xoxoxoxoxo, TwilightTeen212, LRN415, and REL246**


	12. Scene 12

**Who's ready for minor inappropriateness and heavy drama??????**

Scene 12

_Interior day: The beginning of the day for Forks High School. Jessica, Mike and Lauren are in Principal Greene's office._

**Principal Greene:** You kids said this was urgent. Tell me what this is all about.

**Jessica:** It's Bella, Principal Greene; I'm really worried about her.

**Principal Greene: **And why is that?

**Jessica: **Well, she gave me this last week. _She shows him the sonogram picture. _She said not to say anything, but I'm just so… so- _starts fake crying._

**Principal Greene:** (_his voice is strained) _How do you know she's not just pulling a prank on you guys? (_Mumbles)_ I can't have this happening now; I just got this job.

**Mike:** I... er... I accidentally walked in on… Bella and um… Jasper. In the theater after rehearsal. I left my bag and…

**Principal Greene: **And do you have proof of this, um, incident?

_Mike hands him one of the many pictures of the Photoshop picture of Jasper and Bella. It is very well done._

**Principal Greene:** Oh, crap. Well thank you very much for telling me students. You may go back to your classes now.

**Lauren:** But aren't you going to do anything about it?

**Principal Greene:** I said OUT!

_They walk out of the office feeling like they got nothing accomplished, but then they hear the announcement speaker's buzz._

**Principal Greene (over speakers):** Will Isabella and Alice Swan, Jasper Hale and Edward Cullen come to my office immediately please. Thank you.

_The Cullens all get out of their classes and meet up in the hallway on the way to the principal's office._

**Alice: **Well, this should be interesting.

**Edward: **_(sighs). _Yeah. Good thing you wore something tight today Bella. Looks like we're going to need it.

**Bella: **Mhmm… This is so going to scar me for the rest of eternity.

**Jasper:** Relax Bella; we have the advantage here. We know what he wants to talk to us about, can ask each other what to say without him hearing, and can hear his thoughts about one of our answers.

**Bella: **You're right, Jasper, thanks.

_Alice opens up the door to the Principal's office and Jasper winks at Bella as a 'you're welcome'._

**Edward: **You wanted to see us, Principal Greene?

**Principal Greene: **Please, have a seat. _They all sit down. _Now, this may come to a surprise to SOME of you, but some students, and they will remain nameless, gave me these pictures. _He shows them the picture of Bella and Jasper in the theater and the sonogram picture. They all pretend to look speechless. _

**Edward:** What are you implying Principal Greene? Surely you don't think Bella's pregnant? Or with Jasper's child?

**Principal Greene: **Well, what else do you want me to think! You should keep a better eye on your girlfriend next time! Well Mr. Cullen, as I have no evidence to prove otherwise, yes, that is exactly what I think.

**Edward: **Principal Greene, would you kindly look at Bella's stomach? It's completely flat. That sonogram picture is of a full grown baby. If she were that far along, she would be pretty big right now, don't you agree?

**Principal Greene: **Did he just ask me to look at Bella's stomach? Wow she's so hot. Whoa there Greene, you are way too old for her! He is right though, it is flat- that shirt looks amazing on her. Yes Edward, she's not showing, but how do I know that she's still not pregnant? Maybe she just got pregnant.

**Bella:** Principal Greene, I can assure you that I am not pregnant. I have my period today; I've been carrying tampons around with me everywhere. _She pulls out a small bag of tampons and shows them to him. _And, I'm a virgin. I refuse to have sex before I marry Edward. I love Edward and would never go behind his back like that, especially with his best friend!

**Edward:** (_Whispering so Principal Greene can't hear_) Nice speech, very eloquent. I love you too, that was pretty brave of you with the tampons. I didn't think of that. _Bella smiles at him._

**Principal Greene:** UGH. Why must they make this so hard for me? I really need to find out why Jessica, Lauren and Mike did this to this poor girl. She's so sweet, why'd they try to ruin her life? She's obviously not pregnant. Very well, Ms. Swan. I believe you. You may go back to your classes now, and if those 'anonymous' tippers happened to have spread this rumor, do not hesitate to tell me. _(Fake coughing)_ Lauren, Jessica and Mike.

**Alice: **Sure thing Principal Greene! Bye!

_The Cullens leave the office smiling to themselves._

**Bella:** Wow, that was easier than I thought it would be.

_Edward kisses her very enthusiastically._

**Edward: **I'm so proud of you!

**Jasper:** Yeah, you did amazing! After your speech his feelings became all protective over you. It was sweet, sort of creepy, though. _Edward gives a soft, menacing growl._ Chill bro. It's a good thing he's on our side.

**Edward: **True. I'll see you guys at lunch; I need to get back to math.

_They all go their separate ways. Bella gets to her class room first and walks back into her English class. It falls silent the second she walks in. There is no teacher in the room._

**Bella:** Do I have something in my hair?

_No one answers but people start whispering to their neighbors again, unaware that Bella can hear them._

**Eric:** I heard that she's been hooking-up with Jasper behind Cullen's back.

**Tyler:** Yeah, I heard that too, and that Jasper got her pregnant! Look at what I found on the bathroom floor, they're everywhere! _Tyler shows the picture of Bella and Jasper to Eric at an angle so that Bella can see it. Bella growls so no one can hear and grabs the edge of her seat hard in an attempt to refrain from hunting down Mike, Jessica, and Lauren and killing them._

**Eric:** What do you think happened in the office though? They obviously didn't get expelled.

**Tyler: **I don't know. Maybe he kicked them out of the play…

_The camera cuts to Alice next. She walks into her science class. The teacher is gone. Everyone looks at her as she walks in. She strolls to her seat while everyone's eyes follow her. She sits. People continue to stare. Alice turns and snarls slightly. They all turn away. Whispered conversations begin to pop up. Alice sits and begins doodling on a sheet of paper to disguise the fact that she is listening to Angela and Ben discussing the rumor._

**Angela: **I don't believe this stupid rumor that's going around. Bella would never cheat on Edward. She's way too in love with him. Same with Jasper: he loves Alice so much. He would never cheat on her.

**Ben:** People can love other people and still cheat, Ang.

**Angela:** But never with the person's best friend!

**Ben:** Some people do.

**Angela:** Ben, I know Bella. She loves Edward with every fiber of her being. She would never do anything to hurt him. And Alice. Alice is her sister. Her flesh and blood sister. What kind of sister cheats with her sister's boyfriend, especially when he's her boyfriend's best friend?

**Ben: **True…

**Angela: **And Jasper. Why would he cheat on Alice with her sister, of all people? Not to mention, his best friend's girl. He cares deeply about both Alice and Edward. He would never betray them like that.

**Ben: **You're right, Ang. Bella and Jasper aren't the kind of people to cheat on someone they love, much less cheat with someone so close to them and their loved ones.

**Angela:** Yeah. _She looks regretfully in Alice's direction. She is surprised to see the emotionless persona Alice has put on, but disregards it._ I just wish there was something we could do to help.

_Alice smiles slightly and turns to face the front of the class._

**Alice:** _(to herself)_ Nice to know that at least two people don't believe the rumors.

_The camera cuts to Jasper, walking into his history class. Once again, no teacher is present. Everybody looks up when he walks in, but the menacing look on his face quickly makes them look away. He walks to his seat, whispers erupting wherever he goes. He sits down and starts acting like he's paying close attention to the book he's reading on the Civil War. In reality, he is eavesdropping on Mike and Connor's conversation._

**Connor:** So he's really cheating on Alice with Bella?

**Mike:** Yeah. I walked in on them in the theater. I couldn't believe it, so I took a picture. I thought it was just nothing, then Jessica told me about the sonogram.

**Connor:** Holy crap, she's pregnant? With Jasper's child?

**Mike:** I guess so. Edward's always begging her to sleep with him and she's always saying she wants to wait til marriage.

**Connor:** But in reality, she's screwing Jasper.

**Mike:** Yeah.

**Connor: **Is that why Greene called them into the office?

**Mike:** Uh-huh. Jessica was really worried about her and she told Principal Greene. Lauren and I went with her; Lauren for moral support, me to back her up, you know, since I had the picture.

**Connor:** So are you they one who put them all over school?

**Mike:** What?!?!?!

**Connor:** _(reaches into his bag and pulls out the Photoshopped picture of Bella and Jasper and hands it to Mike)_ Somebody put these all over school. In the bathrooms, the cafeteria, everywhere.

_Jasper growls under his breath. He tightens his grip on the book to refrain from ripping the picture out of Mike's hands and killing him. He senses the waves of nervousness rolling off of Mike and smiles slightly._

**Mike:** Oh, man. Somebody must have stolen it from my camera and put it all over the school. Greene's totally going to think I'm responsible.

**Connor:** Chill, man. If Greene tries to blame you, I'll back you up and say you're innocent.

**Mike:** Thanks man.

_The camera cuts to show Edward walking into his math class that is also missing a teacher. His eyes narrow as he sees Jessica and Lauren huddled in a corner suppressing giggles. They continue their conversation in whispers that Edward can clearly hear._

**Lauren:** I don't know Jessica; he doesn't look that heartbroken to me. He should be more upset! He just found out that his girlfriend is pregnant with his best friend's kid!

**Jessica: **Maybe he's trying to hide it, or maybe Principal Greene told Edward and Alice to wait outside for a bit while he talked with Bella and Jasper. Then called them back in to ask how their relationships were going?

**Lauren:** Yeah, that makes a lot of sense. So, you put those pictures in the bathroom and cafeteria right? I hope Mike put them in the men's room.

**Jessica:** Yep, I did it, and Mike did too, I made sure.

_The bell rings for lunchtime to start. Jessica and Lauren stand up. Edward follows along, but they notice and stop talking about their scheme, but they don't stop thinking._

**Lauren:** Hah! Once Bella and Jasper get kicked out, I'll have the part and Edward and Jessica won't be able to stop me! If she does I'll- I'll kill her. Make her be quiet.

_Edward growls softly at Lauren's violent plans. He sees the rest of his family and runs over to fill them in on what happened in the Principal's office._

**Rosalie:** Edward, what's going on? I heard you got called into the principal's office…

**Edward:** I'm sorry, Rose, but I can't explain now. _He turns to Bella, Alice, and Jasper who all have their heads down, staring at the table forlornly._ Alice, Jasper, Bella, we need to go talk to Principal Greene right away. They spread the rumor.

**Alice: **_(without looking up)_I know. I found this in the bathroom. _She holds out the picture. Rosalie and Emmett gasp. Renesmee grabs Bella in a hug. Jasper keeps his head down, staring at the table._

**Emmett:** Whoa! Jazz, I thought you and Bella weren't allowed to…. _Every single other vampire at the table snarls at Emmett viciously. He shuts up._

**Rosalie:** What the hell is going on here, you guys?

**Edward:** We can't explain right now, Rose. We need to go talk to Principal Greene.

**Renesmee:** I'm coming with you guys.

**Rosalie:** Me too.

**Emmett:** Me three. You can explain on the way.

**Edward: **Fine.

_The Cullens all get up and walk out of the cafeteria._

**Rosalie:** So what the hell is going on?

**Edward:** I'm not going to give you guys the whole story now, just the basics. Jessica wanted to get revenge on Bella so she and Lauren came up with a plan to make it look like Jasper and Bella were hooking up and she was pregnant. Mike got involved. During the rehearsal yesterday, they managed to get pictures of me and Bella kissing and Alice and Jasper kissing. He Photoshopped them together to make it look like Bella and Jasper were kissing. They took the picture and a sonogram of Jessica's little sister to Principal Greene and made it look like Bella was pregnant with Jasper's love child. They also put the pictures of them kissing all over school. Fortunately, we were able to convince Principal Greene that Bella's not pregnant. How we're going to counteract this, I have no idea.

_The Cullens reach the principal's office. Mrs. Cope, the secretary, looks up in surprise._

**Edward:** Mrs. Cope, can we please see Principal Greene? It's urgent.

**Mrs. Cope:** All of you?

**Edward:** No, just me, Bella, Alice, and Jasper. Renesmee, Rosalie, and Emmett will wait out here.

**Mrs. Cope: **Go on in.

_Bella, Edward, Jasper, and Alice walk into the office. Renesmee, Rosalie, and Emmett sit down on the couches in the office to wait. Camera cuts into the inside of Principal Greene's office._

**Principal Greene:** Oh, great. What are they up to now? Hello, how may I help you kids?

**Edward:** They spread the rumor. Those pictures of Bella and Jasper are all over the bathrooms and cafeteria.

**Principal Greene: **Oh. Well that's not good. Do you have any idea how to stop the kids from talking about it, because I'm stumped.

**Alice:** No offense, Principal Greene but isn't that you're _her eyes go blank for a second; she shakes her head and continues _job? Edward, we've got a mob coming for us. The PTA is going to storm our house tonight in outrage. What are we going to do??

**Edward:** I don't know _answering both Alice and Principal Greene._ Couldn't we just wait a couple of weeks until it's obvious she's not pregnant? Or… OH! I know _Edward continues pretending he just thought of this solution. _Carlisle can examine Bella and write a doctor's note saying she's not pregnant.

**Principal Greene:** That's a good idea Edward, but what about the part about Bella and Jasper? And wouldn't people think that Carlisle lied to save Bella's reputation?

**Jasper:** Carlisle never lies. We could even have a second doctor examine her, to prove that Carlisle's telling the truth.

**Principal Greene:** Well… alright. But what about the rumor?

**Jasper:** Leave that to us. We'll think of something.

**Principal Greene:** Very well. You may go.

_Alice, Bella, Jasper, and Edward leave the room._

SCENE

**Well? Did that live up to you guys' expectations? We sure hope so!**

**xoxoxoxoxo, TwilightTeen212, LRN415, and REL246**


	13. Scene 13

**Enjoy!**

Scene 13

_Interior, day: Jasper and Alice's room. Jasper and Edward are sitting on the floor, discussing ways to end the rumor once and for all. Bella and Alice have gone hunting, so they can't hear._

**Edward:** Maybe Alice and I could just kiss you and Bella in front of everyone? I mean, why would we kiss you two if you both were cheating on us?

**Jasper:** Make-up kiss? We need something more convincing.

**Edward:** Like what?

**Jasper: **_(pretends to be thinking it over)_ Hm…. Maybe we could propose to them in the cafeteria, you know, in front of everyone. We wouldn't make that commitment if Bella and I were cheating on you and Alice.

**Edward:** Do you want Bella to hate me? You know she hates public spectacles. Plus, Jasper, you could just be doing it for Alice to take you back.

**Jasper:** But what about you? What logical explanation would you have for proposing to Bella, other than it's not true and you love her and want to marry her? Plus, you could celebrate your 100th anniversary by getting married again. It's coming up this year, isn't it?

**Edward:** Unfortunately, in this situation. Otherwise, I'd be thrilled.

**Jasper:** _(laughs)_ Oh, come on, Edward. It won't be that bad.

**Edward:** Have you met my wife, Jasper?

**Jasper:** Edward… we don't have any other choice. If Alice and I actually go through with a fake wedding too, will you go along with this?

**Edward:** You'd do a fake wedding?

**Jasper:** Sure. For our 200th anniversary. Alice would love it. She's always talked about doing another ceremony. Our anniversary is only about two months before yours. The timing works out perfectly: we'll get married right after school gets out and you two will get married two months after that.

**  
Edward:** Alright, alright. I'll do it.

**Jasper:** Thanks man.

**Edward:** You're welcome. I better go rehide my mother's ring before Bella gets home.

_The camera switches to Alice and Bella in the middle of the forest, hunting. Alice's eyes go blank for a second and then she smiles._

**Bella:** What did you just see, Alice?

**Alice:** You'll find out soon enough.

SCENE

**Yeah, it's short, we know. We're doing some more stage-setting. Trust us, things will get funnier (and juicier) in the next few scenes.**

**Until next time, darlings.**

**xoxoxoxoxo, TwilightTeen212, LRN415, and REL246**


	14. Scene 14

**We know, we know. It's been a month since we last updated. TwilightTeen212's been away, ok? And since this is her account, we couldn't update. Deal with it.**

Scene 14

_Interior day: Morning, right before the Cullen's leave for school, Edward and Bella's cottage._

**Bella:** Edward…. I… um… I can't-

**Edward:** What's wrong love?

_Edward dashes to her side and looks at her worried. Bella tries to smile and fails._

**Bella:** Oh, Edward! I think I lost it! I lost your mother's ring!

**Edward:** (_stifling a chuckle_) Oh. That's fine honey, I'm sure you'll find it when we get back from school. We'll be late if we don't leave soon, and we don't want people to think you have morning sickness do we?

**Bella: **You're right. I didn't really have time to comb through the cottage anyways. Beat you to the garage!

_Bella zooms out of the cottage toward the garage, Edward following. Everyone minus Jacob, Emmett and Rosalie, who are hunting for the day, get into the Volvo and are at school in 3 minutes, courtesy of Edward's crazy driving._

**Bella:** You know, I really think we should just run to school. It'd be so much more fun!

**Edward:** I know love but it wouldn't be natural for us to show up without any means of transportation. And you know that Nessie can't keep up with us.

**Renesmee:** Not fair! I am half-human you know, you might cut me some slack. I can still go like, 90 miles per hour.

**Edward:** Yes you can, but we can go 110. Plus you get tired, and you hate the smell of the cafeteria food.

**Renesmee:** I hate all human food, except for eggs. I don't know why…

**Bella:** I thought I've told you this before Renesmee, but besides blood, eggs was practically all I ate during my pregnancy with you.

**Renesmee:** Oh. That makes sense. Why eggs? Don't you crave like, peanut butter and pickles or something?

**Bella:** Your father always made me eggs on our honeymoon.

**Edward:** You did love them.

_They kiss quickly while the bell rings and they all run off to their classrooms. Camera goes to picture of clock that pasts time until the lunch bell rings. The Cullens head towards their usual table in the cafeteria, ignoring mutterings and stares. Edward nods at Jasper, signifying sooner than later._

**Edward:** I have a little surprise for you Bella.

**Bella:** (_groaning_) You know I hate surprises!

**Edward:** Yeah, I do know that, so don't get mad at me. It was Jasper's idea, I'm just going along with it.

**Jasper:** Hey, Edward, don't let her get mad at me, I don't know why Alice hasn't told her yet, she obviously knows what's going to happen in-

**Alice: (**_practically jumping up and down)_ five minutes. I love you Jasper, I can't wait.

**Jasper:** I love you t-

**Bella:** Will one of you tell me what is going to happen in five minutes?!

**Alice:** No. They will not. Don't worry, Jasper, I'll act surprised. Bella, please keep your head about this.

**Bella:** If you will only tell me why I'll be getting so mad?

**Edward:** You might get a bit of attention after Jasper and my surprise.

**Bella: **(_growling_) I hate attention even more than I hate surprises.

**Edward:** I know.

**Alice:** Don't worry Edward, she'll say yes, and won't stay too mad at you…not for long anyways.

_Edward smiles at Alice, nods at Jasper, and they both stand up on tables in a very crowded cafeteria room. _

**Jasper:** (_practically screaming_) ATTENTION! Everyone, we have something to say! _The room falls un-naturally silent._ Thank you. Now, I've wanted to do this for a while, but considering the recent rumors, I thought now was a better time than any. Alice, I know you're mad at me, but I did not sleep with your sister, and to prove it, _He gets down on one knee_ I'm giving you this, if you will accept it.

_He pulls out Alice's engagement ring from 200 years ago. Everyone gasps and look at Alice's absolutely glowing face._

**Alice:** Of course I'll marry you, Jasper! I love you more than the whole world, and I know you didn't sleep with Bella. (_Vampire whispering_) Bella, please play nice for Edward.

**Edward:** Now for my turn. Bella, I know you never slept with my best friend, and I know for certain that you're not pregnant. I love you more than my own life, and I hope that you will not stay mad at me for giving you this amount of attention, or this surprise. But Bella, will you marry me?

_He pulls out his mother's engagement ring. There are a few growls from the crowd, but mostly gasping and awing._

**Bella:** Yes! (_Vampire whispering)_ Edward Cullen, how dare you put me through another wedding? And is that why you were so calm about me 'losing' your ring?

**Edward:** _(vampire whispering)_ One, because I love you, and two, yes, that was why I was so calm.

_Jasper and Edward get down from their tables. Edward kisses Bella and Jasper kisses Alice._

**Edward:** (_whispering back to Bella) _Think of it as an 100th anniversary present. Can we leave now? My head is killing me.

**Alice: **I bet it is. How'd the crowd take it?

**Edward:** Pretty well, most of them seem convinced Bella and Jasper didn't do anything. Jessica, Lauren and Mike are absolutely…well, murderous.

**Bella:** We don't want to know the details, do we?

**Edward: **Definitely not. Oh, and Alice?

**Alice:** Yes?

**Edward:** PTA still out to get us?

**Alice: **Nope. _Her eyes go blank for a second._ Esme isn't going to be happy, planning two weddings at once, she's going to be a mess for a while, I hope Carlisle doesn't kill us.

**Edward:** He doesn't have it in him. _They all walk out of the cafeteria, heading towards the car._ Let's go tell them, shall we?

**Alice:** Okay… Oh crap!

**Jasper:** What is it?

**Alice: **Emmett and Rosalie. They don't know and Rosalie is going to be really upset to be left out of the spectacle of getting married again plus Emmett will be upset he doesn't get to joke about it because he wasn't there!

**Jasper:** Shhh... Alice, it'll be fine.

_Alice immediately calms down, thanks to Jasper's power. Edward, Bella, Jasper, Alice and Renesmee get into the car._

**Bella:** Alice, I hope you don't mind, but I kind of want Renesmee to be my maid of honor.

**Renesmee:** AWWW! Thanks mom!

**Alice:** No, that's fine Bella. You'll still be mine. Oh, I'm so glad we're doing it at this time of year; we'll be able to-

**Jasper:** Great. You're already planning the wedding. We haven't even told the parents yet!

**Alice:** You asked me! And you know they'll be fine with it.

**Jasper:** True.

SCENE

**Aw, how cute. Lotta laughs coming up, so make sure that you're reading these somewhere were you won't hurt yourself if you pull a laughing-so-hard-I-fall-out-of-my-chair manuver.**

**We'll try to update again soon.**

**xoxoxoxoxoxo, TwilightTeen212, REL246, and LRN415**


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